How to Impress a Girl
When you find that specific and
particular girl, you always want to
impress her but scared of getting her
offended. But guys it is 21st century
and most of the guys find it really hard
to impress a girl, and when that girl is
the one you want; you always end up in
having your shaking legs and speechless
There are ways to impress a girl that will make the girl want you more and notice you more. And it is Valentine’s Day coming too, hurry up and read the post below, the tips guys need to impress girls are here!
1. Make a cool appearance
It is very necessary to make a cool and neat appearance of you whenever you go in front of that girl. It will look great to her and of course yourself.
2. Never Show off
Girls actually hate the show off thing; don’t ever put a fake appearance or something that you are not. Be yourself and do your best. That will surely impress girls.
3. Respect and Admiration
Always respect and admire the girl, because girls love when you admire them, treat her with kindness.
4. Meaningful talk
While talking to her don’t discuss controversial issues and don’t talk endlessly. Especially discuss things that have her interest and surely will catch your attention.
5. Take interest in her interests
Listen carefully to whatever girls says or in which she has interest. Respond to the talking quickly and throw back the questions to her to make her keep talking about that subject.
Compliment her on her eyes, attire, hairs, looks and talking style, don’t talk about how hot figure she has. Girls love it when they are complimented on the looks or other features.
7. Respect her friends
When it comes to colleagues and friends, girls are very possessive about them, either you like them or not try to become the good guy that respects her friends.
Always try to act politely and have the best behavior, because these two things can make you a perfect guy.
Be humorous sometimes, because girls love the humor factor about guys, crack jokes but only then when it is required otherwise try to take things seriously.
10. Be a good listener
Be the one who can give a shoulder to her when she is sad, as girls are always emotional so make her laugh with your jokes sometimes and listen to her always.
Worst Ways To Impress A Girl
Now 10 very uncommon funniest and maybe the worst ways to impress a girl which never work. Every guy trying to get a girls attention should avoid these ten ways because you can’t get your girl by trying these stupid things.
09 -Take Her Out While Showing Off Your Dance Moves
08 -Talk A Big Game But Can’t Back It Up
07 -Showoff Your Drinking Prowess By Chugging A Whole Bottle Of Vodka
06 -Showoff Your Bathroom Versatility By Taking A Dump In The Planters At The Mall
05 -Demonstrate That You Can Take Away Your Ability To Reproduce On Whim
04 -Try To Bench Press 1000lbs Showing you have super power, Crush Your Windpipe Instead
03 -Try To Show Her You’re A WWE Superstar By Breaking A Table, Damage Spleen Instead
02 -Showoff Your Late Night Dancing Skills In A Jersey Parking Lot
01 -Go On The Slingshot Ride, Cry Like A Baby
Things Guys Wish That Girls Knew
"It is always fun for teenage girls to talk about guys with the sexiest smile, coolest body, nice and groovy hairs and the perfect ones in every way! We girls never know what guys think about us, they may not tell us what they want but they feel a lot of thing and wish girls to know them!"
Because guys don’t like when you try to be flirty at first and then try to ignore, thinking that they’ll come after you is a totally bad perception. All they want is that smile and you being nice to them, because that totally takes their heart away!
for the right girl
Girls do not rush for boys to like you immediately! They need time and space to find the best in you because they look for the perfect girl!
8.Guys don’t like girl’s
wearing SEXY clothes all time
Always balance your dressing with a little graceful and sexiness! Don’t try to be Christina Aguilera all the time by showing skin. Be reasonable and graceful.
7.They like the way you are
Never talk to guys over and over again that if you look fat or not! Guys get annoyed by this question! They never like your insecurities about your body just stay cool and presentable! They’ll love you more!
6.Don’t get mad without any
There is a time for girls in a “MONTH” where they act totally weird! And they get offended on any small issue without caring it is guys fault or not. Guys hate that time! They think that you are pained but what is their fault! Face whatever you got! It is your hormones! Face the LIFE!
5.Guys like compliments
Boys never talk about their appearance loud, but they care about their hair, skin, and weight and clothes a lot! Like how they look in front of you. It really matters to them when you compliment them on their dressing, hairs or skin. They really take notice of that.
4.Guys hate the detail talk!
If a guy does something wrong, he will feel ashamed when he is told once! When you mention the the thing over and over again! He will be surely pissed!
3.Don’t disturb them when
they are watching Football
Guys don’t like when they are disturbed in the middle of game, just try to look after their interest and they will love it, they will surely know that you love them.
2.Guys hate makeup all the
A little make up does make your guy happy, but not all of that! Guys like you more when you are without it, because it shows the real self of you. Even some guys are like “I HATE THAT BLACK CRAP ON HER EYE ALL THE TIME!” they hate the make up all the time.
1.Never Hate GAMES
Try to develop your interest in their Electronic games or if you don’t have any interest then try not to get annoyed by them! They love it and cannot leave them!
Dating and Attraction Basic for Men
One of the biggest obstacles for the guys who are
in need of attraction help is MINDSET. They grew up
not getting any attention from women, and they just
can't "get" that a woman might actually reciprocate
If you're finding that your biggest block is your own mind, then read closely.
First off, I want to tell you a story. I've known this friend of mine for three years. Let's call him Bob for sake of ease. Now, Bob was an engineer and spent most of his life in front of a computer. Professionally, he was a success, but personally he was a mess. Girls just didn't dig Bob. He was tall, skinny, pale, and was a bit of a misanthrope who claimed that he didn't need anyone.
As a result - you guessed it - Bob had NO social life.
For guys like this, being self-sufficient is actually a highly evolved defense mechanism. Bob had fallen hopelessly in love with enough girls who rejected him that his answer was to not like ANYONE at all. No girl could measure up to his standards. He briefly "tried" online dating only to claim that there were only two or three girls in the entire city who interested him.
How in the world could someone like Bob break through his own mental barriers to meeting women and start attracting some action into his life?
TIP #1: "Admit what it is that you REALLY want."
A lot of guys pretend to themselves - and others - that they only want the perfect girl. She has to be this, she has to be that, and most
importantly she has to fit into a guy's life AS IT IS. He isn't going to change for anyone, least of all for a woman.
But the funny thing about guys like Bob is that what they really want isn't the perfect woman.
What they REALLY want, deep down, is...
...To be loved.
"Love"? You've got to be joking!
But all those hard edges on Bob - all those claims to "not need anyone" and that no girl was good enough for him - were just masking a more fundamental human need: the need to love and be loved unconditionally.
Like pretty much all of us, Bob's social life was being affected by some pretty deep childhood experiences. His early experiences taught him that no one loved him in the way he really wanted to be loved. As a result, he learned that HE was the only person he could rely on.
Now, I'm not asking YOU to go that deep. All I'm saying is that sometimes what you think you want - e.g., the "perfect girl" - isn't actually what you want.
Sometimes what you want is someone to hug and hug you back.
Sometimes what you want is someone who smiles radiantly at the sight of you.
Sometimes what you want is just to feel like someone cares about the real you, no matter how many mistakes you make.
And you don't have to go to therapy to figure these things out. All it takes is admitting them to yourself.
TIP #2: "Let go of who you think you are."
What trips a lot of guys up is the fact that they
IDENTIFY with being the kind of guy that girls will
For Bob, part of his identity was being the "lone wolf." If he actually got a girlfriend, he'd have to give up that part of himself. So,
subconsciously, he actually sabotaged any opportunity he got to make friends with someone in order to keep himself isolated and aloof.
If you've always been the guy who makes girls laugh but not lust ... if you've always been the guy who's a girl's friend but never her boyfriend ... if you've always been the guy who doesn't get the girl ... then it's time to let go of who you think you are.
That person isn't you.
That person WAS who you WERE in the past. But today's a new day. Your history doesn't define you. You can let go of all of that and make a fresh start as the person you were BORN to be.
What would it feel like to be the kind of person that girls liked, naturally and effortlessly?
What would it feel like to be the kind of person that didn't have to worry about attracting women, because he had enough female attention?
Can you imagine it?
That's your birthright. That's your new identity. Let go of the old crap and really "get" that you're someone who attracts girls just
by being yourself.
TIP #3: "Talk about it."
One of the most exciting things I've seen happen as a result of the men's seduction community is that guys are finally talking about
these topics OUTSIDE of the locker room.
For the first time, they're talking honestly about what happens when they're rejected. They're able to see mistakes and learn from them without taking it personally. They're realizing that women are human beings just like they are.
If you're finding it a challenge to attract the kind of girls you like, then start talking through what you're having problems with. Join an
internet forum and post under an anonymous name if you feel uncomfortable. Share the books you're reading and the information you're learning with your friends.
Talking about this stuff gets it out into the open and helps you realize that you're not "weird" or "defective" in any way. Look, very few guys are naturals at attracting girls, but EVERY guy can learn. There's nothing embarrassing about being in the process of learning. A student is just a master-in-training.
THE END OF THE STORY
You know, this stuff takes time. It's the guys who get frustrated quickly when they don't get what they want with a snap of the finger who drop out and never see any results.
You've got to COMMIT to wanting to change. You've got to not let any setbacks or temporary feelings of self-doubt keep you from going out there and getting what you want out of life.
And that's what I admire about Bob. When I first knew him, he was a grumpy old git. It took just about a year - a very painful, awkward,
emotional year from his perspective - for him to go from someone who'd never had a girlfriend to someone who was dating the hottest brunette barista in the city. Bob certainly never thought he'd make it, but he did.
And you can, too.
Just stay focused, stay committed, and say goodbye to all that crap that's been keeping you from attracting girls.
2: The Attraction
Do you wish there were a better way to turn around the success you have been having with women?
You see other guys do it, grab the attention and the attraction from women, but it's unclear how you make that work for you. It's not as simple as copying what the other guy does if it doesn't feel natural to you. You have to know what to say and how to say it, and respond and react to a number of possible situations and scenarios.
It's about more than just remembering a few well-rehearsed openers and relying on dumb luck beyond that point. If you want to get real women, the kind of ones that pay you attention for more than 5 minutes, and stick with you past the first date, you need the whole package, the skills, confidence, and personality to pull it all off.
Putting it bluntly, you need to know what it means to be the alpha male, not the sheep that blends in with the rest of the flock.
- Do you find yourself filled with fear every time you talk to women, worried that you're going to make the same mistakes you made so many times before?
- Would you like to learn how to naturally attract females, and be able to brag about your skills to your workmates and friends?
- Are you interested in learning the actions and techniques you need to know to create emotions that make women compelled to see you again?
"No Actors, No Script, No Rehearsal, Just Life" -
It’s a common complaint, an annoying situation, even a man’s worst nightmare.
You know what I’m talking about: When a girl you like wants to be "just friends."
Aaaaargh! Who wants that? You like this girl, you want intimacy, but all she wants is friendship. How do you turn things around?
In short, you have to make a girl REMEMBER you. Whereas guys who are much more than friends are always on a woman’s mind, friends are just…there. There’s no special emotion connected to them. They’re just... friends.
So how do you change this?
Let’s start with the basics: What do women want in a romance? Well, by now you know that women are looking for STAND-UP GUYS, guys who mean business and don’t take no for an answer. They want a protector, a defender, a man who will always be at their side.
Now ask yourself: Is that me?
If you’re the kind of guy who avoids conflict, treats women with deference and worship, jumps at the opportunity to listen to her moan...
Then you’re a nice guy. You don’t stand up for yourself. You don’t assume leadership. You sit down when a woman wants you to jump up and save her butt!
So it seems, nice guys always finish last. They end up in the friend zone, instead of the BED zone.
But does it have to be that way?
NO! You just have to make one change that will forever transform your game. I’m not talking about becoming a bad boy; you can be a stand-up guy without being a jerk. Stand-up guys are just good guys who give women the same things they love about bad boys–without beating girls up and treating them like trash.
I’m talking about bringing to the table the one thing girls love. The one thing bad boys–and stand-up guys–have that nice guys just don’t. The difference between nice guys and STAND-UP guys can pretty much be summarized in one word: attitude.
If that word confuses or scares you, there is an easy way to develop attitude.
The stand-up guys, the guys who are MORE than just friends, bring ALPHA ATTITUDE to the table. They bring confidence, swagger, independence, and centered-ness around them. Whereas nice guys revolve their worlds around pleasing and being nice to women, stand-up guys revolve their world around themselves. They’re on a path, a mission, and if a woman doesn’t want to join them, it’s her loss. But if she does want to join him, she better recognize that his world, is her world. Not the other way around.
If a girl is "just friends" with you, she probably doesn’t take you seriously enough. Or you haven’t shown her you’re serious enough about HER for her to make a move herself.
So how do you change things so that your female friend/acquaintance/secret crush will be attracted to you?
Show a girl attitude. You penetrate her emotions. You become a drug to her, someone so daring, so masculine, so irresistible, that thoughts of you are stuck in her head day and night. They want to see you so badly, that nothing else crosses their minds.
Contrast these emotions to the ones she feels about nice guys, the "just friends." Does she even remember who they are?
When it comes to getting the girls you want, it often all comes down to the first meeting and first impression. It’s true, two of the most common mistakes men make are either showing too much sexual intention too soon, or not showing any at all. Mistake number two will leave you in the Friend Zone. it is important to learn how do you strike that balance?
You know women don't talk like us guys. I know
women don't talk like us guys. So how in the world
can a guy even talk to a woman without one or both
of them coming across as being from another planet?
Today I want to show you some things you may have never realized about women and how they're different to us. It may just help you decode "femalese" and have a sensible conversation with a woman!
WOMEN TALK DIFFERENTLY TO MEN
All guys know it. Women play by different verbal rules, and the result can leave us scratching our heads and wondering what just happened.
Let's do a test of your social awareness. Read the two conversations below. Tell me which conversation is between two girls, and which is between two guys.
Person 1: What were you up to last week?
Person 2: Yeah, nothing much.
Person 1: Catch the game?
Person 2: Missed the second half.
Person 1: Bummer.
Person 1: Hi there, how was your weekend?
Person 2: Oh, it was fabulous! How was yours?
Person 1: So much fun. We went to the game, but
it got rained out and we missed the second half.
Person 2: What a shame!
Okay ... so which conversation was between the girls and which was between the guys?
If you didn't pick A = Guys and B = Girls, then you need to seriously sit down and study this section.
Girls verbally relate to one another on a completely different level than men. Women use conversations to create social connections, share emotions, affirm social status and mores, and entertain each other. Everything from the volume and pitch of their voice to their body language communicates nuances of meaning lost to ordinary guys.
For example, in Conversation A above, Person 1 and Person 2 are merely swapping information on what they did on their weekends. In Conversation B, on the other hand, Person 1 and Person 2 are communicating more than just facts. They're sharing FEELINGS. They're enthusiastic, empathetic, and interested in hearing about one another's lives.
So if you've ever wondered whether girls talk just to hear the sound of their voices, you'd be right!
According to "The Female Brain" by Louann Brizendine, "connecting through talking activates the pleasure centers in a girl's brain. We're not talking about a small amount of pleasure. This is huge. It's a major dopamine and oxytocin rush, which is the biggest, fattest neurological reward you can get outside of an orgasm" (quoted in "Femme Mentale," San Francisco Chronicle, 6 Aug 06).
Let me translate that for you:
TALKING is almost as good as SEX for women!
I kid you not.
That certainly explains why women talk so much, and why they'd rather use 20 words when 7 would do the same job. (Women speak, on average, 20,000 words a day, while men speak only 7000.)
Because women are so verbal, they remember things that guys said long after the guy has forgotten them. They're able to read subtle body language cues that tell them what's on our minds when sometimes we don't even know ourselves!
So what does this mean for you? You need to learn to understand women and attraction better.
>> Overcome fear of the approach and watch
yourself achieve amazing results with women!
It's perfectly human to feel fear and apprehension when trying out something new. Unfamiliar territory can make anyone second-guess
Fear of the unknown is the best breeding ground for excuses. In any new quest comes the hesitation to go through with it.
The thought of doing a cold approach on a complete stranger is understandably terrifying for a first-timer. A great deal of psychology comes into play here, and novices could make excuses not to pursue their efforts in improving their attraction techniques.
Excuses are simply defense mechanisms to cope with the mounting fear of failure. Excuses make it easier to shift the blame on some external factor rather than actually acknowledging that the fault lies within yourself.
Making excuses are a sort of fail-safe against reality and the truth that comes with it. It's much easier to tell yourself that you didn't bother to be good at something because fate plotted a grand conspiracy against you.
No matter how badly you "wanted" to try, it was all too much in the end.
The only thing that excuses really do is keep you from being the best person you can be - whether you're someone looking to attract females or not.
Not wanting to deal with reality doesn't make it any less inescapable, even if your mind comes up with reasons why you shouldn't try in the first place.
One of the worst excuses for not meeting women is that you won't have enough time to do it anyway. There will always be time for ANYTHING that you really want to do. Citing a lack of time as a reason for staying at home is unacceptable.
You certainly can't hope to master a skill that you can't even devote any time to. Any kind of talent requires time and energy before it becomes second nature to you.
Picking up women is no different.
This is probably the biggest stumbling block to getting on the path. Don't let difficulties discourage you from improving your gaming technique. As long as you're learning, the rejections you'll encounter at the beginning will only help you get better.
The more time you spend discovering and using our lessons out on the field, the easier it becomes. Sooner or later, the process of mastering seduction won't seem like a time-consuming exercise, but rather a fulfilling experience.
Once you get to the point where you just have to keep your game in good condition, it will take less time than it did to acquire those skills. So endure that initial steep hurdle you have to overcome because it gets easier as you go along.
Other men are embarrassed to be learning these skills in the first place. They're so scared that people will find out what they're up to so they choose to not try at all.
The best way to get around this fear is to use discretion whenever you tell anyone about your efforts. Make sure to discuss such matters only with guy friends that you trust.
On another note, don't mix your dating and professional life. Where possible, keeping your dating efforts separate from those whom you work with will keep both parts of your life intact.
You wouldn't want to hit on a co-worker and then let it affect your job, right? If things don't go so well afterwards, you'll either have to change your job or have enough nerve to run into her at work everyday.
I understand that workplace romances are common, I mean heck, we spend the best hours of our day at the workplace, so it makes sense that we will become close to those we work with.
All I am saying here is exercise a degree of caution. You don't want to be known as the serial dater in your office, especially if it's becoming a bit of a habit. Widen your horizons. You never know what lurks beyond the office door.
Then there are guys who are afraid of meeting women simply because they don't have the skills or the guts to handle a rejection. Well, I'll have to tell you that no one got good at anything without failing first.
Sometimes, we need to reach that low point to spur us into action. Losing from time to time can actually encourage us to try even harder.
Refusing to suck at something could inspire you to dust yourself off and try harder AND smarter. The bitter taste of failure can develop a better eye for spotting what you did wrong so that you don't do it again.
If you are having a hard time getting the success you want, lean on the support of your other guy friends who'll encourage you to try again after falling down. Have your buddies act as a sort of coach that can review your technique, play by play.
Most importantly, they can help you account for your progress, and not just your failures. In other words, they can give you the strength to keep at it.
The fact of the matter is that there will always be events in your life that you CAN control. Shrugging off the wrong belief that fate can't be altered is the first step towards taking control of how you want things to happen.
Refusing to let excuses hold you back is in itself, a quality that all attractive men have. They are the kind of people that do what they can to positively change their personality, looks and circumstances.
Not all the things in life can be influenced, but there are some factors within our grasp and excuses basically keep us from doing that. You may think that getting rid of false justifications for doing nothing is unrelated to actual success with women.
In fact, IT is the first step to self-improvement. And if you are after more steps to self improvement and better success with your dating skills, the first place I recommend you check out is my friend James' book "How to Be Irresistible to Women." Expect to crash and burn for the first several times as you study and apply the valuable knowledge that you'll learn. As you overcome approach anxiety, you'll get more comfortable with reconciling theory and actual practice.
>> Overcome fear of the approach and watch
yourself achieve amazing results with women!
Women aren't shallow, but they will base your maturity on how you present yourself to them. This isn't merely a judgment based on physical appearances - your style and grooming broadcasts your social value.
A shabby and thoughtlessly assembled look tells them that you're an immature guy who isn't really interested in meeting women. The amount of attention you dedicate to being a presentable human being also reflects your ability to control your other affairs.
After all, if you don't bother to look decent, how can anyone believe that you're responsible for the other aspects of your life?
In a nutshell, they've got to feel that you've got it together - both on the inside and the outside.
Women will have a harder time seeing the great guy that you are underneath if you have a look that tells them to keep away.
Looking good and being clean are basic courtesies that anyone should have. Look around you - the women that you'd like to meetand date are just as savvy about their own style and grooming.
You wouldn't be attracted to her if she wore the
first thing she picked off the floor, didn't brush
her teeth, or skipped the shower. While these basics
are important, what you need to realize is that they
all go back to the importance of PERCEPTION.
Let me tell you right now that perception is a powerful thing. Creating the right kind is the key to making you visually appealing to women. It's not necessarily about looking like a celebrity. Of course, that would definitely be a plus, but you can't get around a good sense of style and a religious devotion to hygiene.
What you should remember is that this goes hand in hand with your personality (which in turn, is broken down into attitude and
As far as looks are concerned, there are some basics any guy has to master before going out into the world of dating.
Clothes are a tricky subject. You have to be good enough so that you don't look like a slob but neither should you go too far in appearing vain or snobbish.
It's a matter of balance. Women give importance to a man's wardrobe but only to a certain extent. They want you to care just enough about how you look, but NOT too much.
They wouldn't want a guy who breathes, eats, and sleeps fashion. They just want an adult who can reasonably put himself together
without mommy's help.
Even if you are a carefree, happy-go-lucky guy, you still have to dress smartly enough to be taken seriously by women.
To cut through all the murkiness, there are some basic guidelines your clothes should go by.
First, they should complement whatever body type you have. Obviously, you wouldn't look good in tight-fitting clothes if you were a big guy. Neither would you want to dress up in asuper-loose outfit if you're the slim type.
As such, finding the right cut for your unique frame is essential. But you can't do it alone - find someone who can advise you on the
best look that will match you.
Better yet, take him/her to the clothing store of your choice and have him tag-team with whoever is working there. Sometimes, the first-person point of view makes it hard to be objective about yourself.
That's why your appointed "style coach" will see it as it is, and a few painful truths won't seem so bad after you've brushed up on how to dress yourself properly. Just make sure your friend dresses better than you do; otherwise it will be the (fashion) blind leading the blind.
Next, your stuff needs to be free from holes, tears, or rips. While there are pre-torn jeans that are meant to look artful, you should carefully consider if they'll look good on you.
As a general guideline though, keep an eye out for unintentional wear and tear on your clothes. Have it sewn if you can, or just retire your frayed threads if they're beyond repair.
Again, it goes back to the perception that your overall look creates. Ask yourself (or your stylish buddy/relative) if your slightly torn pants or shirts make you look cool...
...or like a bum.
A lot of guys surprisingly miss these details and carelessly hit the scene with a ratty outfit which sadly lowers their visual appeal.
One more thing: not only should your stuff be washed after every use, they have to be free of wrinkles as well. It isn't too hard to realize that even well-fitting, undamaged clothes won't impress if they're not pressed and/or smell like a gym bag.
Again, we're avoiding the hobo look, so your threads will have to be crisp and clean. Keep those shirts, pants and shorts neat and pressed.
When you think about your regimen for hygiene, ask yourself: do my habits help or hurt my attractiveness? There's no need to be discouraged if your answer falls under the latter.
A confident, kickass kind of guy can keep his life under control, especially his grooming.
Let's talk about scents. Of course, the wrong kind will keep your date at a friendly distance. So, do what it takes to keep you smelling clean. Otherwise, she'll never think about getting close to you.
It's broken down into a few categories. Make sure you always bathe at least once a day, or more if you're expecting to sweat a lot during a given time (i.e. hitting the gym or a playing game of hoops).
Use deodorants/antiperspirants, aftershaves and colognes if you must, but don't overpower her with a mixture of strong fragrances that might turn her off.
I don't have to explain why a whiff of passed gas will greatly change her perception of you. You try smelling her farts and see if you feel like going out with her again.
Funny as that mental image is, the effects of careless gas-passing is no laughing matter. Only children are excused from doing this.
Anyone older will be seen as immature people who are more interested in offending their date rather than attracting them.
On another note, don't forget to keep those pearly whites in good (if not excellent) condition. Again, as far as scents are concerned, good breath is an absolute must if you expect any respectable girl to kiss you.
The trick here is to be religious AND discreet about oral hygiene. Carry breath mints or sprays with you if need be, just don't let her see you actually using them.
Remember, it's a matter of maintenance so don't get lazy. After all, you'll be thanking yourself when you get up close and personal with her.
Believe me, a woman's decision to have sex with you heavily depends on whether or not your breath smells like something crawled in your mouth and died.
On the topic of hair, your close friends or a good barber can tell you if your current style brings out your natural features or not. For instance, if you had closely-cropped hair since you were in school, maybe it's time to grow out those locks a bit if a new look matches your age.
On the other hand, you might be sporting the same hippy look you've had since your rebellious days as a teenager.
After a decade, maybe it's time to update your hairstyle. Consult with an expert.
While you're at it, have them advise you if you're better off with a full beard, a goatee, or a clean-shaven mug. Every guy is different, so this decision should be based on what suits you best.
And like every decision concerning style, you'll need to customize your appearance on the grounds of what works best for YOU.
Accept the fact that people change over time and some adjustments are necessary. If you get older, gain/lose weight, or go through a
transition in your life, the way you look should always go well with who you are at a given time.
This is best way to really project an appetizing mental image to the ladies.
(Which is also the entire point of our discussion today!)
Looking like a grown-up man that women can lean on for support is more important than just being flat-out perfect in the physical sense.
All they really want is for you to pay attention to the details, like any attractive (and mature) guy would.
7: Being The Man
She Really Wants
Nothing's worse than being pegged as a nice guy. You know, dependable. Always around to lend a hand. Designated driver. The kind of guy that girls call when they want someone to tell their troubles to. Sort of like the "gay" friend: nonthreatening and nonsexual.
Now, there's nothing wrong with being a good guy. I don't come from the school that says you have to be a jerk to women to get them interested. It's OKAY to have morals and values that you believe in. It's OKAY to treat women right.
But the problem with most nice guys is this: They were brought up to be "people-pleasers."
I can't get over the number of guys who still think that the way to get a girl is to do things that please them. Girls don't "date" guys that
"please" them; they USE them.
Doing things because you know it will make a girl happy is fine ONCE you're in a relationship - in fact, it's one of the foundations of relationships - but not before.
It can be really hard to break the habit of being a nice guy, especially if you were brought up to always place other people before yourself.
That's why, I attack three common reasons guys get pegged as "too nice."
TIP #1. STOP BEING A "PEOPLE-PLEASER."
Stop this moment and have a think about the last three significant decisions you made in your life. Got them? Okay, now I want you to tell me honestly:
* Did other people's opinions play any factor in why you made the decision you did?
* Can you quantify the influence of those people's opinions - e.g. was 15% of the reason you made the decision, 1%, or 90%? Right.
If you claimed that other people's opinions played NO role whatsoever in the last three significant decisions you've made in your life, then you're deluding yourself.
The process of making good decisions necessarily involves seeking other people's input and advice. You'd be a fool NOT to take other
people's opinions into account.
But all of us can tell the difference between doing something to PLEASE someone else ... and doing it because they made a valid point.
There's a HUGE difference between doing things to please people, and doing things because they make sense to you or reflect your values and morals.
If other people's opinions continually form the basis on which you make your decisions, then you need to make a mental shift from looking OUTSIDE for validation, and start looking inside.
If you're genuinely living life by your principles, then there are going to be times when you'll hurt or offend people. That's just life. We can't please everyone all of the time, and we shouldn't try. (Tell that to the politicians.)
Now, there are going to be situations where you don't really care about something one way or the other, so it makes sense to let someone else's opinion guide your decision. That's OKAY. The opposite of a "people-pleaser" isn't a "jerk" - it's a man of INTEGRITY. A man of integrity isn't compromised by going with someone else's wishes when it really doesn't matter to him one way or the other.
TIP #2. STOP BEING A "SAVIOR"
I know so many guys who find their greatest satisfaction in serving others. Even if they aren't aware of it themselves, you can tell that
they're happiest when they're helping someone else. Nothing makes them feel better about themselves than being the reason for someone else's smile.
Now, it's GREAT to be the kind of guy who gets a kick from helping others. Being of service makes us feel connected to a greater community, like our lives have a larger purpose.
But there are times when the only reason we're
helping people is so that we can feel better about
Take guys who help out women as an example. Some guys seem themselves as the "rescuer" type. They attract "homeless waifs" or seriously messed up chicks who need treatment more than another "friend." These guys see themselves as the knight on the white horse who's going to ride in and "save" her.
It's a compelling fantasy, but it's also just that - a FANTASY. If you try to "save" a woman - if you try to be the one person she can count on when she needs a shoulder to cry on - then what you've done is create a CO-DEPENDENT relationship based on NEED.
Sure, it's not a bad strategy. Women fall in love with their "rescuers" all the time. But if you only feel good about yourself when you've made others feel good, then it's time for you to stop rescuing others and start putting all that goodwill to work on YOURSELF.
TIP #3. JUST SAY NO.
I know a friend who's always struggled with his weight. He starts eating right, then he's at someone's house and offered a beer and chips, and then his resolutions go right out the window. He just CAN'T say no to free food.
A lot of guys are like that with women. They just can't say no. If a woman displays any interest in them, then they are willing to give it
a go ... until they find themselves trapped in a relationship they didn't even want in the first place.
Don't automatically take everything that's
offered to you. Being open and flexible are great
traits, but knowing your own mind and being choosy
are also incredibly important.
Similarly, some women will promise you that they're okay with hooking up and not committing any further. You'll be amazed at your luck and think, at last, a woman who can enjoy things without pressuring you to have a relationship!
But, like most "free" things, this one really comes with conditions. She's hooking up with you now in hopes that, like a teaser, you'll get
hooked on being with her and want the "real" thing - i.e. a relationship - later.
In those circumstances, she's relying on the fact that her inner game is better than yours. Sooner or later, she's going to go for what she really wants, a relationship, regardless of your original "agreement."
8: Secrets of Seduction Experts
Others make it look easy when it comes to attracting or getting the attention of women, but when you try to approach and attract, there is the overwhelming fear of getting it wrong, or worse, making a total fool of yourself!
Thankfully there is a way to stop making the same mistakes with women over and over again, with the benefit of the best secrets from a number of top notch gurus and experts in the arts and sciences of attraction. Author and host James B has assembled some of the internet's sharpest seduction minds, including Joseph Matthews, Zan Perrion, Carlos Xuma, Dr Alex Benzer, Scot McKay, Marie Forleo, Leil Lowndes, Marni Kinrys, Sean Stephenson, and many more!
My friend James B, author of How to Be Irresistible to Women, has kindly agreed to extend a special to me, but only for the first 50 copies. His book is designed to be the easiest to follow system for learning to master approach and attraction available. It will open your eyes to a whole new world of attraction, dating, and life skills. Once you discover scientifically what attraction is, how it works and how to create it, your whole reality will change forever. It is packed with quality information, so you can learn to approach, talk to, attract and seduce virtually any woman, AND learn how to make them fall in love with you - this is truly cutting-edge material!
If you want to learn:
- - How to overcome your fear of the approach - for good! Arm yourself with the ability to approach ANY GROUP anytime, anywhere, regardless of numbers and male-female ratio. (It's the same rare power that ALL seduction masters share).
- - What YOU need to do to free yourself from the mental B.S. that keeps you "trapped" in whatever condition you keep telling yourself is the source of all of your limitations.
- - A no-brainer technique for getting a woman thinking along sexual lines – just by using the right sort of eye contact. And how to time your smile so that you never blow a good opportunity again!
- - 3 things you must do to your home to ensure that she is even more attracted to you once she gets there!
You must get this course and listen and learn as
you discover the secrets the dating masters have to
share with you. You could get all the courses these
gurus have and spend a fortune of money and time, or
you can get the best and most condensed information,
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in getting the women you really want, by securing
one of the first 50 copies before they are gone!
Have a think to yourself, what would it be worth to you to have this area of your life dramatically and emphatically improved for the better?
What if you could have consistent, repeatable success with females for the rest of your life?
Imagine having the ability to choose which woman you want to date, rather than trying to find a hot one who'll even talk to you, much less go out with you?
Dating and Attraction Basic for Women
If there's a drought of men in your life and your dating success is less than what you would like it to be, there is hope
- - Are you wanting to learn how to overcome the shyness and fear you feel in the first few moments of attraction?
- - Would you like to fearlessly approach a man and start a conversation?
- - Would you like to attract a fantastic man for a long term relationship?
It's time to rethink everything you ever knew about dating and attraction. Get the secrets and techniques that will take you right from attraction all the way to the committed relationship of your dreams!
1: Worried You'll
Never Meet Mr. Right?
If you're a modern woman - you're attractive, you take care of yourself, you work out, you're financially stable, you're independent, and you're emotionally strong - then you may be wondering why in the world you can't find Mr. Right.
How can you be smart, kind, funny, and sexy and NOT have your pick of men?
It's the fascinating dilemma that's at the heart of the book Why There Are No Good Men Left: The Romantic Plight of the New Single Woman by Dr. Barbara Dafoe Whitehead.
Dr. Whitehead uses research from the National Marriage Project, among other sources, to examine why so many single, educated, successful young women are finding it increasingly difficult to find their Mr. Right.
And today you're going to learn whether or not young professional singletons are really in the midst of an unprecendented man-drought!
WHAT THE RESEARCH SAYS ABOUT MARRIAGE
Women ARE getting married later in life. That's a fact.
The median age of marriage has risen five years over the past forty years, to between 26 and 27 years of age.
This is largely due to the modern woman's career path. Many women are choosing to pursue a college education and get a foothold in our careers before turning our focus to marriage.
Now, the perception is that high status men, with their pick of potential partners, aren't waiting as long as we are to get married. Instead, they're getting snapped up in their 20s, leaving single women in their 30s and 40s with a lack of quality single men to date and choose from.
I'll tell you whether or not this is true in a minute. First, I'm going to give you a few more statistics.
At the same time we're marrying later, less women are choosing to get married.
The reasons are twofold: they're choosing to live together rather than marry in many circumstances, and those who get divorced are feeling less inclined to remarry and face the hazards of married life all over again.
Now, I want to ask you a question.
When do you think that a single young woman should start worrying about getting married - assuming that she's never been married before?
- Is it when she finishes college?
- Is it when she starts counting down her twenties and nears the big 3 - 0 ?
- Is it when her biological clock starts ticking in her mid to late thirties?
What do YOU think? The answer very well might surprise you.
The REAL age that you should be worried about... is forty-five.
All the data indicates that 45 is a crucial age for women and men alike. According to The State of Our Unions 2007, "In times past and still today, virtually all people who were going to marry during their lifetimes had married by age 45" (17).
So if you're still unmarried by 45 (and this means that you've never married before, not that you're temporarily single as a result of divorce or widowhood), you may be among the 10% of women who never marry during their lifetimes.
Roughly 1 in 10 women will never marry. (In 1960 this figure dropped to 6%, an all-time low.)
But this does NOT mean that these women will never find love!
More and more women are choosing to enjoy non-traditional relationships. Many become serial monogamists, staying in committed relationships for several years at a time before splitting up and immediately entering another long-term relationship. Others become accustomed to living with a partner and feel that they don't need the sanction of a formal piece of paper to be considered "man and wife."
So do we really need to be that worried, if we're professional women approaching our thirties or forties and wondering when our prince will come?
WHAT WE NEED TO KNOW ABOUT OUR CHANCES OF MEETING MR RIGHT
Our belief that we have to be married before we turn 30 (or 40 as the case may be) is a hold-over from earlier days in which marriage was a priority for setting up a household and raising children.
Marriages aren't just about those things anymore. According to the National Marriage Project, marriage has become less child-centered and more focused on the union of two soulmates.
People don't just want to meet the future father/mother of their children. They want to meet their soul mate, their best friend, and the person whose company they'll enjoy forever.
As a result, both men and women have become much pickier when it comes to making a commitment as big as marriage.
We're all aware of the high divorce rate, and we hope that by being more selective we can minimize our risk of contributing to those statistics.
But here's the key.
Men aren't any different from women in this regard!
We're both holding off until we're sure that marriage is the right decision. We're both holding off until we finish our educations and feel more secure in our careers.
So to say that all the good men are snapped up in their twenties is completely false.
There are still just as many good men holding off on romance until they get a foothold in their career as there are good women.
Plus, couples who marry at younger ages are more likely to divorce, leading to a new influx of divorced men who are looking to get it right the second time around.
There's nothing wrong with postponing your hunt for a marriage partner until you're older. Your chances of having a marriage that lasts are significantly greater when you're over 25, college-educated, and earning at least $50,000 a year.
So why feel like you're missing out if you're in your late twenties and haven't gotten married yet?
All it means is that you've got an even better chance of your first marriage being one that lasts!
WHAT YOU CAN DO TO OVERCOME THE "ROMANTIC PLIGHT OF THE NEW SINGLE WOMAN"
Here are three tips to help you feel less anxious about being single.
If you focus on scarcity, you only attract more scarcity into your life. If you focus on abundance, you will attract abundance! It's the Law of Attraction, and it's a powerful tool.
Focusing on the fact that you don't have a mate will just make it more difficult for you to find one! But if you have confidence and faith in the fact that the right man will show up in your life when both of you are ready for each other, then the journey along the way will be a lot more fun.
Enjoy being a woman. One of the biggest challenges facing professional women is that they treat all men, even the ones they're dating, like clients. They perform like they're on a job interview and can't understand why they don't "get" the relationship.
The professional "you" that's so successful in business won't help you attract a man. If a man wanted a business partner, he'd go into business. In romance, a man is looking for a woman, and it's your femininity that will win you the part.
So get out of work mode and remember what it's like to be a lady. Watch old movies with Audrey Hepburn or Katharine Hepburn. Allow a man to treat you or open a door for you. Wear a feminine, frilly dress and flirt!
Be generous with your heart, but don't lower your standards. Fear can cause a person to do some foolish things, but nothing is more foolish than getting married to someone just because you're worried that he's the best you'll be able to find.
I still remember the story I was told of a lovely woman who had a fantastic job, a lovely home, and loads of friends. The only hole in her life was the fact that she didn't have a child. She was nearly 40 and knew that if she didn't have a child now, her childbearing days would soon be over.
She met a mediocre man through mutual friends, and they started dating. He was lazy and didn't keep up his appearance, and he didn't want to do any of the fun things that she wanted to do, such as traveling. He was a homebody, while she was a social butterfly.
So what did she decide to do?
It was only after they'd been married for six months that she found out that he didn't really want children. She was stuck with an oaf of a husband and no chance of having the family she'd always wanted.
There's no happy ending to that story, but there is a message.
Don't make any decision based on fear.
If he's "just okay," then he's not good enough to be your life partner.
The best advice I ever heard regarding marriage was, "If you have any doubt in your heart at all, then he's not the right one."
When someone is right, you'll know.
It really is as simple as that.
Do you wish there were a way to get the attention and attraction of the right men?
You see a guy you like, and you want to approach him, but you are paralyzed by an overwhelming fear of making a fool of yourself. What if he doesn't like you? What if he thinks you are too forward? What if he only wants to play games with you?
Attracting men can seem like a hit-and-miss affair, but your chances of success in meeting and attracting quality men can really be much more secure than that. You want to let men see the real, genuine you, and get love and commitment that's going to last beyond the first or second date, it's time to rethink everything you think you know about men.
And that's where I can help you out. My friend Amy Waterman, author and host of How to Be Irresistible to Men. Her book is different because it's about ALL steps of the dating and attraction journey, teaching you solid principles and techniques on how you can attract the right man and commitment, right from the beginning to the end of a relationship.
- - Are you wanting to learn how to overcome the shyness and fear you feel in the first few moments of attraction?
- - Would you like to fearlessly approach a man and start a conversation?
- - Would you like to attract a fantastic man for a long term relationship?
>> Looking for more from your relationship?
Want to Find Mr Right insted of Mr
Have you ever wondered if you should settle for "Mr. Good Enough"?
If you're like a lot of other women, you've met a dozen and a half men who COULD be great boyfriends/husbands/fathers of your future
children ... but for whatever reason you just couldn't take that next step with them.
So many of us find ourselves stuck between a rock and a hard place: we deeply want a relationship, but not with any of the men we're
Have YOU ever felt pressured to settle for a guy you weren't particularly into, simply because you didn't want to be single? If so, I have something special to share with you!
You'll discover why "settling" has its advantages as well as disadvantages, and you'll be able to make up your own mind as to whether you should stick with Mr. "Good Enough."
First of all, let's talk about the kind of guy many of us are dating: Mr. Good-But-Not-Great.
Mr. Good-But-Not-Great would be a catch by anyone's standards. He's got his life sorted, has a financial plan for his retirement, and treats women with loving respect and admiration. He cares a lot about you, and he shows it in small ways. He invites you to family gatherings, makes an effort with your friends, and would rather be crashed on your sofa watching movies than out carousing with
his buddies. Your mother loves him, all your friends are asking why you're not married yet, and yet there's a tiny voice shouting to be heard over all the congratulations, telling you to...
Ever heard that voice?
I've since discovered that this experience is quite normal. I get emails all the time from women who say that they'd LOVE to meet someone to have a relationship with. Unfortunately, they can't seem to meet anyone who quite spins their wheels.
Some of these women believe that there's something wrong with THEM for not feeling attracted to the single-and-available men they
meet. They wonder if they're too picky, or if they're just over the singles scene, or if they're "meant" to be single forever.
Other women believe that it's the MEN'S fault. They think that the men they meet are too dull, too immature, or too self-absorbed.
But no matter WHOSE fault it is, the end result is the same. Those of us who desire nothing more than a loving, committed relationship are caught between a rock and a hard place...
...EITHER we settle for someone we're not really into, OR we stay single.
So should you settle for Mr. Good-But-Not-Great?
Author Lori Gottlieb of TheAtlantic.com says you should. In her article "Marry Him! The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough" (Atlantic
Monthly, March 2008), she argues that you should put marriage before love.
Her thinking goes like this. Many modern women believe that they shouldn't settle for anything less than their soulmate, but, as they hit their thirties and start seeing their fertile years wane, they start to panic. They start to realize that if they want to have a family, they'll either have to do it themselves as single moms, or they'll have to say yes to the next acceptable man who proposes.
According to Gottlieb, there's nothing wrong at all with the latter option!
She believes that a lot more men are suitable husbands than we think. She says, "Marriage isn't a passion-fest; it's more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business." So, even if we DON'T
feel that spark or overwhelming romantic infatuation for someone, it doesn't mean that he wouldn't make a good husband for us - according to Gottlieb.
I would imagine that proponents of arranged marriages would agree. I've always been amazed at the number of women who were unable to select their husband, yet found that they could grow to love him as deeply as any man they'd selected on their own.
But is that what we REALLY want?
Do you want to tell your kids, "When I met your daddy, I thought he was a nice man. Then I married him, and I found out that he was ... well, even nicer!"
I strongly disagree with the advice that you should settle for someone who's "good enough," and I'll tell you why.
First of all, I believe that men deserve better than a wife who settled for them. When there is an imbalance of love in a relationship - when the man is completely head-over-heels with his wife, and his wife is merely comfortable - it's visible to everyone around them. If that women even mentioned just once to one of her friends that she felt like she was settling for her husband, it would eventually get back to him... and what a slap in the face! No man deserves to be in a relationship where everyone knows that his wife was "settling."
Second of all, marriages are tough work. They're not the smooth, tranquil walk in the park that Gottlieb paints them as. When you're
married, you're going to come into conflict. You're going to find that your ideas don't match. You're going to argue and fight. You're even going to wonder if you should separate.
If you NEVER believed that this man was "The One" for you, it will be much easier for you to throw up your hands and bid goodbye to the relationship. Why go through all the pain and struggle of a challenging marriage when you always felt that you settled for him anyway?
If, on the other hand, you married him believing that this was the one for you in this lifetime, then that faith is going to carry you through your marital challenges. You will still find things difficult, but you'll remember how strongly you believed in this relationship and this man. That faith will help you get through and STAY married.
And there's something else that Gottlieb hasn't considered. What happens if you settle for a man... then end up bumping into Mr. Right years down the track? Look at Tori Spelling. Meeting "The One" while you're still married puts you in a horrible position: either you'll have to destroy your marriage and hurt your husband for the chance at true love, or settle for a lifetime apart from your true soulmate.
Settling for a man that's not-so-perfect, just so that you can have a family and children before it's too late, can open up an ugly and hurtful can of worms.
But does that mean that you should turn up your nose at any man who doesn't seem like a potential husband?
Of course not.
I am a firm believer in the idea that every relationship is in your life for a reason. When you're dating Mr. Good-But-Not-Great, you're learning valuable relationship skills. You're learning how to cope when a relationship isn't satisfying. You're learning how to deal with an imperfect situation. You're learning to clarify your own needs and take a stand.
So yes, go ahead and date men that you wouldn't marry!
But just don't MARRY him.
Do one thing for me: imagine yourself at your golden wedding anniversary. You're sitting at a long table beside your husband and looking proudly at all your children and grandchildren. One of your grandchildren pipes up: "Grandma! Tell us how you and Grandaddy met and fell in love!"
What kind of story do you want to tell?
Do you want to tell a story about how your eyes locked across a table and you just knew you were meant for each other?
Or do you want to tell a story about what a good guy he was and how you decided to get married someday because everyone was expecting you to?
The choice is yours.
I opened up a reader letter the other day that particularly touched my heart. The woman concluded her email by asking:
"What is it about me that men don't like?"
It's so easy to feel like YOU are the only
one not getting any attention from men. You look
around at other women and see them finding and
living happily ever after with the man of their
dreams. You wonder, "Where's MY Mr. Right? Why
am I the last person on earth that isn't married
If you feel you have neglected your love life in favor of your career, ambitions, or other things and now want to get your attraction and seduction skills back on track, check out "Make Every Man Want You More!"
I believe that every woman on the planet has felt, at some point, that she was disgusting and ugly and would never attract a man.
They're harsh words, I know, but in the privacy of our own minds we say things to ourselves that we would never say aloud.
Even celebrities tell stories about being gawky, unattractive, bullied teenagers. Even when they eventually became famous, it wasn't like their romantic struggles ended. As we can see from any of the tabloids, being gorgeous, famous, and wealthy is no protection against a broken heart.
So when someone asks me, "What is it about me that men don't like?" my answer is usually not what they expect. I don't tell them that the problem is their looks or their shyness or their faulty understanding of men. I tell them that their problem is something very different. I say:
"It's the way you treat yourself."
You see, the way others treat you reflects the way you treat yourself. If you tell yourself that you're stupid, you have fat thighs, or no man will ever want you, then, sure enough, you'll find evidence in your experiences to support your beliefs.
Again, just look at celebrities. They look at their bodies and see fat, cellulite, and a wonky nose. So they get plastic surgery and go on a
drastic diet so that they can squeeze into the latest size 00 designer duds. Any normal person would be ecstatic to have their looks and
lifestyle! But, for them, it's not enough. It's not enough, because their looks and lifestyle don't bring them the thing they want more than anyone else: love.
Even the richest celebrity is in awe of couples who are still in love after fifty years together. What Hollywood couple can boast that they've celebrated their golden wedding anniversary? Even in Hollywood, love is just a story that ends when the lights come back on.
So if you are wondering like the reader above, why men don't "like" you, I have three top tips to share.
Self-acceptance is one of the toughest traits to master, because it means that we have to look honestly at ourselves - at our big feet, jiggly thighs, tendency to talk too much, addiction to supermarket tabloids, and ability to say the wrong thing at the wrong time - and say, "It's OKAY (and actually pretty fun) to be me."
Louise Hay has a wonderful book called "You Can Heal Your Life." It's a classic in the field of personal development and was originally published in the mid '80s. Hay believes that self-love and self-acceptance can actually heal disease. Her book includes many positive affirmations that you can say to yourself to remind yourself that YOU ARE WONDERFUL.
A woman who knows how wonderful she is wouldn't spare a second thought for the idea that she's unattractive to men. She's attractive to herself, and she has confidence that she'll attract the right man when the right time comes.
Right now, though, she has work to do. There are a lot of things that she's still not comfortable with within herself. She wants to learn how to be a better listener, lose weight, and learn how to flirt better. Her goal is to gain new skills so that she becomes a better person. In time, she knows that she will meet a man who's also investing in becoming a better person, and they will deserve one another.
"Don't be a victim."
It's easy to blame men for your problems. Besides, men are the ones who ignore us when we try to flirt and don't ask us on dates, so it's THEIR fault that we're single and alone. Maybe if men were only less interested in superficial things like looks....
That train of thought could end up in a train wreck, if you're not careful.
Blaming men is easy, but it certainly doesn't
help you attract men. Why would men want to be
with women who resent them? If you think that
most men are "idiots" or "jerks," then your
chances of finding the one man who defies that
description are slim to nil.
Men aren't the problem. The problem is NOT that men don't like you. The problem is that you don't like yourself. There are parts of yourself that you haven't accepted yet.
You don't love what you look like, for example. A survey of 5,000 women (reported by the BBC, 11 Apr 2006) found that "seven out of 10 women said life would improve if they had 'better' bodies." Women are notoriously hard on themselves when it comes to their appearance. If it's not fat, it's cellulite. If it's not cellulite, it's wrinkles. Age is unforgiving on the skin, but it's light on the heart. Women report greater feelings of self-acceptance as they age.
Hopefully, with that self-acceptance comes a
greater feeling of empowerment. Men like women
who like them, so your job is NOT to hang around
until some male asks you out. Rather, it's to
meet as many men as you can and find reasons to
take pleasure in their company.
"Find reasons to like everyone you meet."
When you feel alone and unattractive, you tend to act in ways that reinforce your beliefs. You tend to push other people away before they get too close. You tend to be very protective and keep up your defenses in case of rejection.
These behaviors literally drive men away. Why go through such hard work to date someone who's self-conscious and insecure when you COULD be dating someone who's open, warm and loving?
As I said before, men like women who like
them. If you're afraid or suspicious of men,
then men won't like you very much. If you're
critical or judgmental about men, then men won't
like you very much.
On the other hand, the more you can find to like and appreciate in others, the more they'll enjoy being in your company. The more they enjoy being in your company, the better you feel about yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the easier it is to like and appreciate others! It's a beautiful cycle.
So the next time you feel ugly and alone, don't glare at your reflection in the mirror and hate your looks. Don't brood over the thought that you might be alone forever. Instead, do something different. Go out and focus on making someone else feel really good.
Give someone a compliment. Call a friend and listen to everything they have to say with interest and admiration. Spontaneously buy a gift for someone. Visit an elderly relative. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Smile at the clerk behind the counter and ask them how their
day is going. Do whatever it takes to make the people in your life feel great. When you find something to like in everyone, I can promise that everyone will find something to like in you.
There is an acknowledged difference between being "in love" and actually LOVING somebody. Everybody is capable of "falling in love" with someone - experiencing that heady combination of feel-good chemicals and adrenaline that occurs when we meet someone and develop an emotional connection with them. They make us feel good; therefore, we "fall in love" with them.
Actually LOVING somebody, as opposed to
falling in love with them, implies a deeper and
more mature emotional connection. When you truly
love somebody, you are capable of altruism: you
can put their needs before yours. You are
committed to their wellbeing and happiness. The
focal point of the relationship becomes less
centered around YOU, and how the other person
makes YOU feel. Instead,
you are more concerned with making your partner feel good.
All men are capable at all times of "falling in love" with somebody. Falling in love requires only a small emotional commitment: it's easy to enjoy a person's company and enjoy the way they make you feel about yourself.
When it comes to being IN LOVE with someone,
things are different. Although it's easy to
"fall in love", not all men are capable at all
times of being IN LOVE with somebody. There are
certain requirements that most men need to be
fulfilled before they're able, or willing, to
commit to a woman.
Many women need a friendly gal-pal to help them navigate the minefield of modern dating. Today, I'm going to tell you what the top 4
commitment-requirements are: the 4 things that every man NEEDS, before he can (or will) commit to you.
1. The Time is Right.
For the average woman, loving someone is all
about WHO she loves. She meets Mr Right, and
falls - and stays - in love with him.
Not so for men. For a man to commit to a woman, it's more about WHEN it happens than WHO it happens with. As Thomas David Kehoe, author of the vastly enlightening "Hearts and Minds: How Our Brains are Hardwired for Relationships," tell us, men look at their lives in a very chronological way. When he feels that the time is right, he will choose to commit to whoever he is with at that time.
For most men, it's less about WHO it is than WHEN it is.
Commitment, to a man, is mapped out in terms of "life chunks": the times of his life when commitment is necessary, and times when it is not.
Here's an example of how these "life chunks" might look:
- Chunk 1. Babyhood and childhood. Totally reliant on family; commitment not an issue, since he is utterly dependent on others for basic survival.
- Chunk 2. Early adulthood: independence, sexual and emotional freedom. Experiments with familial tie-breaking; leaves home for college and/or for travel. Is able to prioritize his own needs and wants for the first time in his life. Complete freedom with no commitment or obligations to anybody.
- Chunk 3. Professional life begins. Obliged to commit to work and professional success. Little freedom for personal experimentation or growth, other than in a very controlled and restricted environment.
- Chunk 4. Marriage. Extreme commitment; obliged to stay in "safe" job in order to provide for wife and children.
- Chunk 5. Retirement. Severely limited personal freedom, due to the physical limitations imposed by age, and lack of funds available with which to compensate for this.
One thing is clear from this chronological sequence: early adulthood is the "fun" time of life for a man. It's his opportunity to be selfish, do exactly what he wants to do, and heed nobody's word or opinion other than his own.
That's not to say that the other times of his life are not equally rewarding, in different ways; rather, that it is necessary for a man to feel that he's had enough of "no commitment" before he's ready, whole-heartedly, to embrace a committed relationship and the responsibilities it entails.
Interestingly, there are no actual time limits imposed on a man's "life chunks" sequence, either. His progression from one stage to the next doesn't depend on physical age or time; it's more about personal maturation. For some, the "early adulthood" stage might start at 18 and end at 22, or it might stretch through to his 30s or 40s - or even beyond. It all depends on his achievements in that period, and whether he feels that he's fulfilled his goals.
Generally, men are not ready to move on to the next stage of life until they have fulfilled their personal goals from the previous one.
A man's progression to the next stage of life is entirely dependent on whether or not he feels that he's "been there and done that".
This might mean traveling the world, meeting and dating all the women he possibly can, or starting his own business; whatever.
It's about stretching his wings and being free to play all he likes: with nobody dependent on him, he's able to cater to his OWN desires and independent needs, rather than feeling the constrictions of obligation or commitment to anybody else.
Kehoe tells us that the Early Adulthood phase is a very bad time to attempt to get a man to commit to you. If he's not ready to settle down, then he won't. You may very well be "the one" for him in every way - but, if he's not ready to say goodbye to the last vestiges of bachelor-hood, then all the emotional connection in the world won't convince him otherwise.
If your own Mr Right is still enjoying his "early adulthood" stage (remembering that it's not AGE that determines this, but whether or not he feels that he's done enough world-conquering), then you will either need to: - move on and find somebody who's had their share of wing-stretching; or - convince your man that commitment to you will not restrict his personal freedom or independence.
REQUIREMENT #1: He needs to be READY to commit. Remember, it's about WHEN, not WHO.
2. You Do Not Represent Limitation.
No matter what stage of life a man is at, he
is still an individual with his own needs and
desires. Just because he's grown past his "early
adulthood" stage doesn't mean that he won't want
freedom and the right to assert his own will. He
needs to know that you aren't going to become a
ball and chain.
You must represent an ASSET to his life, not a drain or a restriction.
It's true that men are more attracted to feisty women who have their own opinions and ideas on the world and life at large. But it's still necessary to strike the right balance between being an independent woman, and just being plain difficult.
For example, when confronted with a partner who wants to, say, take 4 weeks to go on a cross-country motorbike tour of five states, a smart-feisty woman would:
- - express her admiration for his sense of adventure
- - tell him that she'll miss him, and
- - send him on his way with a smile and a hug.
Then, when he returns, she might suggest a
holiday or activity that SHE would enjoy, that
the two of them can do together. This
strengthens their bond in two ways:
1. It shows him that she cares about his happiness, and is therefore a good candidate for long-term commitment.
2. Enjoying bonding time together upon his return will highlight the good times they have together: it will underline the ways in which his relationship makes him happy, as opposed to the ways that solitary "independent time" makes him happy.
To get a man to want to commit to you, you need to make it obvious how much better you will make his life. It needs to be clear to him that having you around is much, MUCH better than the alternative.
This is where compromise and common sense come in. Statistics show us that the women in successful, committed relationships have nailed the art of compromise to a T: they have their own idealistic qualities for the "perfect man", but they don't let this quest for ephemeral perfection get in the way of a good relationship.
This means that you need to be a flexible and understanding girlfriend. You need to be prepared to put his welfare first sometimes, just as you expect him to do the same for you. Save any demands for when you REALLY need to make them - and the rest of the time, allow him his independence with good grace.
REQUIREMENT #2: Having a woman who enjoys and admires his lust for life, not condemns him for it.
2. You're Both on the Same Wavelength.
Having common goals is an extremely important component of lasting relationships.
A certain amount of difference is to be expected in these goals, but only up to a certain point. The same "base goal" must be approximately the same for the both of you, otherwise trouble is likely brewing.
Here's an example of what I mean: let's say he wants to travel to Peru at some point in the next 5 years, while you've got your heart set on Australia's Gold Coast. Very likely, the two of you will be able to come to some sort of arrangement here without the relationship being damaged at all. Why? Because the same "base goal" is a priority for each of you. The bottom line is, you both want to travel.
Now let's look at a different situation.
Let's say he wants to travel to Peru sometime in
the next 5 years, whereas your life is more
focused on finishing off your doctorate in
linguistics. Or climbing the career ladder. Or
settling down and starting a family. In a
situation like this, there is very little scope
for mutual satisfaction: your "base goals" are
In the above example, while it might be possible for you to contrive a situation where you both stay together - say through compromise or goal adjustment - such a compromise or adjustment would likely require one person to either postpone or cancel their individual agenda. That person would then be left feeling deprived, and potentially resentful.
Discussing your goals with your partner is an important aspect of mapping out your expectations for the future. If you want to get a sense of how easy it will be for him to commit, and STAY committed, to your relationship, have a talk about what you'd both like to achieve in the foreseeable future.
Specifics aren't necessarily required at this point ("I want to own a home in this particular neighborhood in five years, and I want to have two kids and a collie-dog by the time I'm 33"). Vagueness is perfectly acceptable ("Umm, I don't know ... I've always wanted to see the ashrams in Mysore, India, I suppose").
All you're aiming to do here is get a sense of whether or not your desires coincide in any way - and, if they don't, how much scope for flexibility there is in each of your goals.
REQUIREMENT #3: His aims and desires must be at least basically the same as yours.
4. He Accepts Your Negative Traits, Not Just Your Positive Ones.
Once the initial buzzy flush of "falling in love" has worn off, the two of you will begin to get a sense of each other's positive and negative traits in a more realistic light.
This is the time when most couples either
accept each other's imperfections and stay
together for the long haul, or part ways and
for someone more suited to their needs.
A big part of this boils down to how ready he is for commitment (see commitment-requirement 1). We all know, on an intellectual level, that there's no such thing as a "perfect partner": we all have our off days and irritating idiosyncrasies. But it takes experience and a certain degree of emotional maturity to understand this fact on the visceral, instinctive level that's generally required to actually put it into practice.
In other words, men can all understand the concept that the "perfect partner" literally does not exist; and yet they're not all ready to stop searching for this perfect person. They need life-experience before they can adjust to the best that reality has to offer them, without feeling like they're "settling".
A man who's still searching for Miss Perfect is not ready for commitment yet - to anybody. It will take some time for him to realize, on that gut level, that there's no "perfect relationship" or "perfect woman" out there.
It's not until he's reached that gut-level understanding that he'll be able to put aside a niggling sense that there's a better option for him out there somewhere, and become truly capable of lasting commitment.
REQUIREMENT #4: He knows that you - like everyone else - have flaws, but loves you anyway.
Gaining confidence and experience in relationships is a worthy pursuit, but a daunting one.
It's so easy to forget that, as much as you want to find that perfect guy, and as much as you may feel hopelessly incompetent at attracting cute men, there are just as many GUYS out there who feel hopelessly incompetent at approaching a woman they're attracted to and asking her out.
That's why it's so important that you are approachable. Make it EASY for guys to catch your eye, exchange smiles, and make small talk with you. You'll discover that what you once thought was a barren landscape without a single available guy has become a sea of men ready and willing to spend time with you. But that's not what I want to focus on today.
Instead, I want to talk about a concept
Oneitis is a concept developed by the men's seduction community to describe "an obsession with a girl whom one is not dating; pickup artists believe that such an extreme fixation on one woman significantly lowers a man's chances of dating or sleeping with her."
That definition, by the way, comes from one of the most respected pickup artists in the world: Neil Strauss, New York Times bestselling author and journalist for Rolling Stones magazine.
His book "The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists" is the gold standard for information about the seduction community, its history, its lingo, and its key players.
If you have a strong stomach, I strongly recommend that you check it out to educate yourself about the techniques that players use.
The concept of oneitis was developed because men often decide to learn seduction techniques to attract one particular girl with whom he's hopelessly in love. There's only one problem: he will inevitably fail, because she will sense his desperation-tinged adoration. There's nothing less attractive than a man who acts like a puppy dog, following you everywhere and leaping to do whatever he thinks will please you.
Once a man realizes that he has oneitis, he can shake off his infatuation by focusing his efforts on dating other women.
Although he may kid himself at first that he is practicing flirting to hone his skills for the One, he often finds in the process that the other women he's seeing have much to offer him. He starts enjoying himself and feeling more comfortable interacting with women.
Soon, his preoccupation with the One is
revealed for exactly what it is: an immature
infatuation with a woman who in all likelihood
isn't the best match for him. Although he still may enjoy her company, he won't live or die based on her acceptance or rejection of him.
Strangely enough, this often triggers a turning point in their relationship: she will find him more interesting and attractive when his self-esteem is independent of her opinion of him.
Although this concept has been developed particularly for the male seduction community, it is interesting to consider whether it has any relevance to women.
For example, one of my readers commented:
"'You deserve someone who's into you.' - yeah great idea - but what if he is the only man you are interested in? You just dump him and move on? ... I am not interested in just any guy. If he's just not that into you I would like to know what to do so that he is into me. Chances are if he isn't other guys aren't into you either."
Being keenly interested in a man, to the point that you won't even look at other men because you're so certain that he's the one for you, certainly sounds like oneitis.
But doesn't labeling it a "social disease," as UrbanDictionary.com does, make a mockery of our very real feelings of attraction?
Whereas men might be able to say that the cure for being obsessed with one particular girl is sleeping with ten others, most women aren't made that way. You usually fall in love with one man at a time. You have the right to be interested in one particular man and want to know how to make him feel the same way... don't you?
I went to seduction expert James B to ask how oneitis might apply to women. His answer was this:
"If you're determined to get him, worrying night and day whether you're going to lose him, and obsessing over him, HE'S NOT THE ONE"
Having an extreme case of oneitis is in itself proof that any relationship based on such an unequal distribution of attraction will be fatally flawed. If you like him a LOT more than he likes you, then you'll have more invested in the relationship than he will. You may find yourself changing yourself, giving up your own interests, and allowing him to control the relationship because you don't want him to leave. That's a recipe for disaster.
It's healthy to start out a relationship with a neutral caution. Avoid giving into your feelings of infatuation, adoration, and love for the first few months. Allow yourself to get to know him better. See what it feels like to actually be together. Ask yourself at each stage how you feel in the relationship. Don't allow your admiration of his personal qualities to override the more important question, which is how you both interact as a couple.
Easier said than done, I know. It's so much
fun to fall head over heels for a guy. It's so
hard to step back from how wonderful he is as a
person to see how wonderful (or not) you work together as a couple.
But remember your goal in the first stages of dating...
It's to EVALUATE your relationship potential.
It's NOT to confess your undying love.
Leave that for once you're already in an established relationship moving towards greater intimacy and commitment.
And that, I think, is the sound principle behind the concept of oneitis:
The purpose of dating isn't to find the "perfect" man. Rather, it's to find the perfect combination made up of two imperfect human beings in relationship.
Are you stuck when it comes to figuring out why you can't meet men?
If so, it's not just you. Cecilia wrote in recently and said:
"I am baffled why I cannot find myself a boyfriend, as I must be doing something wrong or sending out vibes I am not even aware of."
There are a LOT of fabulous women out there who look at themselves and wonder why they don't have a mate yet. By society's standards, they'd be a catch for any man ... so why are they still single?
The problem that we all have is that WE cannot see ourselves in the same way that a man would see us.
First of all, women look at other women differently to how men look at women.
Second of all, we are locked inside the prison of our own consciousness. We literally can't get "outside" ourselves to see how others perceive us.
So don't trust your own perception when it comes to how men look at you. Instead, remember this...
It's not how a man sees you that's important.
Rather, what's important is HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF.
This is an incredibly important concept. You really need to get this if you're going to become more successful with men.
DO NOT ask yourself whether a man could love you.
DO ask yourself, "Do I love myself? Do I love who I am? Do I love everything that is me?"
You have to (1) like who you are, (2) accept
who you are, and (3) love yourself, before you
can expect to experience great success with
But some women find that they're hugely
successful in every other social arena ASIDE
from finding a great relationship. They have
good self-esteem, lots of friends, and wonderful
But when they're in the presence of an attractive man, it's almost as if something inside them SHIFTS.
Their confidence scatters. Adrenalin makes them feel jittery. They find themselves saying things they'd normally never say. Even their
friends notice that they're acting differently.
If you're nodding your head here, then I've got some important tips for you.
The Top 3 Reasons that women can't seem to meet or keep men all have to do with BELIEFS.
1. You BELIEVE that you have to watch what you say or do around men, in order to avoid "scaring them off."
2. You BELIEVE that you have to interest, entertain, or fascinate a man in order to keep his attention.
3. You BELIEVE that you have to "make" a relationship go somewhere; otherwise, it will stay stuck at the same level forever.
Make no mistake, these three beliefs are DEADLY.
If you believe that doing something wrong will scare a man off... if you believe that you have to work to keep a man's interest... if you believe that you have to "make" a budding relationship go somewhere... then you're certain to stay single much longer than you should be.
So let's take a look at these three beliefs and see how you can break their hold over you.
DESTRUCTIVE BELIEF #1: YOU WORRY THAT YOU'LL DO/SAY SOMETHING WRONG.
When we're children, we're taught "right"
from "wrong." We're taught that it's right to be
polite and say please and thank you, and it's
wrong to be rude or insulting. Those are basic rules of human interactions.
We should always be polite to one another and gracious in the way we deal with other people.
But beyond matters of basic courtesy, there is no "right" or "wrong." There can't be. Given the infinite variety of human interactions, it would be impossible to formulate a rule to guide them all!
So if you obsess over the "right" thing to say or do to men, then you're literally becoming less genuine and more artificial. You're accepting other people's "rules" in lieu of doing what feels natural and right for you.
Needless to say, that's not attractive!
Get rid of your fears that ANYTHING you can do or say will turn the right man off (within the bounds of common courtesy).
The right man will be attracted to ALL of you - the WHOLE package - and he isn't going to be judging or grading you every time you speak. He's going to be more interested in finding out who you are underneath your social façade.
The more you censor yourself and judge yourself for saying/doing something stupid, the more awkward you will appear around men.
If you think, "But I HAVE to have some rules; otherwise, I'll make a fool out of myself," then just focus on remembering your manners. Be polite, courteous, and interested in other people. Beyond that, anything goes!
It's funny how much we resist the idea that we can "do no wrong."
We're taught to believe that it can't be that simple. It's almost as if we WANT to criticize ourselves for saying the wrong thing! It's easier to get mad at ourselves for being dumb than to accept that, for whatever reason, this guy wasn't a good fit.
Promise me right now that you'll stop blaming yourself for dates gone wrong. Stop going through every little thing you said or did to find out what it was that caused him to stop calling. Stop punishing yourself!
When you let go of the need to control every word you say around a man, you start relaxing. You start feeling like you can just be YOU. You respond authentically to what he has to say.
In short, you're much better company when you don't stress out over saying the "right" thing!
To give you an idea of what you should be aiming at, just think of how you act around your friends. Your friends know you, like you, and accept you just as you are. You don't have to put on any pretenses. You can just let it all hang out.
So be THAT person when you're with a man you like. Be relaxed, fun, natural, and spontaneous. Who cares if you say something silly? Laugh at yourself, just like you'd laugh at yourself if you were with friends.
If you can master that attitude, you'll be unstoppable!
DESTRUCTIVE BELIEF #2: YOU TRY TOO HARD TO MAKE HIM LIKE YOU.
I see this belief all the time in women. Many women think that they have to "do" something to "make" him stay interested.
It can be really hard for us to challenge this belief in ourselves. Deep down, we think that we're not lovable just as we are, so we try to become the person we think that he wants us to be. Do YOU think that men won't like you just as you are? If so, then your job is NOT to make yourself into someone that men will like. It's to learn to like yourself!
Many women hold on very hard to the belief that they're not lovable. They look at themselves and ask, "How can a man ever love THIS?" They can't see the beauty inside.
If you don't see how any man could love you, then you probably try too hard with men in order to overcome your perceived inadequacies.
Do you ever worry that, when a man looks at you, he won't like what he sees?
You see yourself through "his eyes," and you look ugly and stupid to yourself.
As a result, you get nervous and start acting awkwardly and artificially.
You search for ways to make him like you: maybe you cook his favorite food, or attend all his sports games, or laugh at all of his jokes - even the ones that aren't funny.
You convince yourself that all you have to do is become the "right person," and he'll fall in love with you.
You need to nip this kind of thinking in the bud. You deserve better than a guy who likes you because you fit his preconceived notions of what he wants in a woman. EITHER he likes you because you're YOU - in all your depth, complexity and mystery - or it isn't a good match.
Being with a man is not about performance.
It's about PRESENCE.
It's about being there, enjoying his company, and finding out more about him.
It's NOT about trying to convince him that you're cool, sexy, mysterious, a good catch, or anything else.
So stop trying so hard, and see where your natural instincts take you.
DESTRUCTIVE BELIEF #3: YOU WANT THIS TO GO SOMEWHERE.
When you meet someone you really like, it's only natural to hope that your relationship goes somewhere.
There's nothing wrong with feeling that way!
But what can be unhelpful is what you DO as a result of those feelings.
Many women feel like they have to do something to move their relationship along to the next level. They're not content with being patient and letting things unfold naturally. They're getting older, and they don't feel like they have the time to waste on an extended courtship. They want to know if this man is going to be "The One," and they want to know NOW!
Unfortunately, having that kind of attitude is incredibly off-putting to men.
When you tell a man that you're after a committed, long-term relationship (and, if he's not in agreement, you're not interested), you're basically telling him that you want to USE him. You're not interested in him for being HIM. You're only interested in him insofar as your relationship leads to marriage. It can be really hard to take a passive, relaxed approach to relationships, but, wherever possible, I recommend that you do your best to let things happen naturally and not try to force it.
If you like a guy, enjoy liking him for the sake of liking him, NOT because you want it to go somewhere.
Learn to enjoy the present moment, and stop worrying about where it will lead. The less you try to force something, the more miracles magically happen on their own.
Do you know how to use touch to turn up the heat?
How do you let a guy know you're interested in him? Give him a smile as you're passing in the hallway? Ask him if he'd like to go for a coffee sometime? Turn up the vamp factor by dressing to catch his eye?
These are all great tactics, but one tactic that many women forget to use is the power of touch. Touching a man's arm to get his attention, brushing by him when you pass, or even an innocent handshake can turn up the heat.
Sexy women aren't afraid to lay a friendly hand on a man's shoulder or make physical contact when doing an activity together. They know that the quickest way to fan sparks into flames is to let bodies do the talking.
If you are afraid to get physically close to a guy, you may be sending off-putting vibes without even realizing it. Women can shy away from touch for a variety of reasons: they're timid, lack self-esteem, have had abusive pasts, or interpret all touch as a sexual advance. Yet they need to rediscover the pleasures of touch if they are going to have a better advantage with men.
HOW BIG IS YOUR BUBBLE?
Everyone needs a certain degree of personal space when they are interacting with others. Your personal space is like an invisible bubble surrounding you. When people "invade" that space, you feel uncomfortable.
How big your bubble is depends on your
culture, your gender, the situation, how well
you know the other person, and many other
factors. For example, if you're at a dance, your
sense of personal space may be less than if you
were at an ATM machine. You may feel
comfortable sitting close to a female friend, but sit on the other end of the couch if the other person was unfamiliar to you.
Nevertheless, we all have a certain sense of personal space that, on the average, we need to feel comfortable. We need to realize how the size of that bubble affects our interactions with others. If you have a large bubble, you may be making it difficult for men to approach you.
Test your bubble the next time you are at a dance, in a crowd, or some other situation where people are in close proximity to one another. How close can a stranger get to you before you feel uncomfortable? What is your reaction when another person invades your personal space? Do you back away? Do you tense up?
If you do, you need to practice relaxing and feeling comfortable when a guy is in close proximity to you. A time-worn flirting technique is to break the boundaries of personal space by learning towards someone, or standing a bit too close. If you step away or tense up, a man will interpret this as rejecting his advance. He will think that you don't want to get too close because you're repelled by him.
grown up with brothers can have an advantage,
because they are used to physical contact with
men in a playful, friendly way. The more you hug
others, the more relaxed you'll become having
friendly, non-sexual physical contact. Play with
don't have any sense of personal boundaries. Learn to enjoy the warm reassurance of a touch.
Next, try using this technique yourself. The next time you're at a club or a party, flirt by deliberately entering a man's personal space. If you're chatting with a guy who seems nervous, then try stepping closer to him and see how he reacts. Does a sweat break out on his forehead? Does he step away? If so, he is probably not ready to put the moves on you yet.
On the other hand, if you are flirting with a confident guy, your same move may very well be the proof he needs that you are interested in him, too. When you are that close to him, it will be a simple motion for him to slide his arm around your waist, brush your shoulder, or touch your hair. Simply by entering into his personal space, you've given him an opening to take things to the next level.
If you're not comfortable getting that close to a man that you don't know, one easy way to integrate physical touch into your flirting is by offering your hand to shake. A handshake tells a lot about a person. It can be incredibly erotic, the first touch of skin on skin between you and the person you like. When his hand is firm, dry, slightly callused, and gentle on yours, you can get the shivers.
A handshake is the perfect complement to introducing yourself anywhere. What man can resist a friendly smile, an offered hand, and a, "Hi, I'm Carrie!"? When you initiate the first physical contact through an innocent handshake, a man will immediately feel more connected to you.
THE CASUAL BRUSH
If you're really into a guy, let him know that it's okay to put the moves on you. Find an opportunity to touch his sleeve or his arm. Come up to him and get his attention not by a word but by a touch on the shoulder. Casually brush past him, letting your shoulder or hip skim his.
This technique has to be used very carefully so that it doesn't seem overt or aggressive. Never use an abrupt or forceful motion that will startle him. Keep your movement fluid and gentle. Don't linger. Move away from him afterwards, almost to let him wonder if he imagined it.
For this technique to work, he must believe that your reaching out to touch him was a spontaneous urge and a response to your feelings for him. It is okay if you feel shy or embarrassed afterwards; in fact, it can even be more effective!
HELP HIM OUT
One of the best opportunities to get close with a man is to do some activity together that requires that you help one another out. Ask him if he can show you how to do something, and lean close over his shoulder to watch what he's doing. Exercise gives you the perfect opportunity to get a little closer by asking him if you're holding your body in the right position and if he'd correct it.
Men love to be invited to touch a woman's
body. With most women, the attitude is: look but
don't touch. If a woman gives them the
opportunity to show her how to do something by
guiding her arms, or holding her waist, then
they'll feel like Santa just gave them a
Christmas present. Now that you know the amazing powers of touch, take advantage of them! Getting a little closer never hurt anybody.
>> Feeling single in a world made for
couples? Want to fix that?
It can feel awkward being single in a couple's world. Just look at advertisements, for a start. Holiday packages advertise their rates based on double occupancy, and two-for-one vouchers assume that you've got someone to take with you.
It's expensive being single, too. Living on your own gives you freedom, but it doesn't come cheap. You don't get tax breaks for being single, and one-bedroom apartments aren't economical.
You know how it is: it can feel like the WHOLE WORLD is set up for couples, and you're left out of the loop.
But it doesn't have to feel that way. Here's a question that you may never have considered:
What if BEING SINGLE actually serves an important purpose?
What if you're single at this moment in time because YOU are MEANT to be single right now?
What a strange idea! We tend to think that our natural state is to be in a relationship, and when we're single we're lacking.
All the models of happiness we're given - from the Hollywood romance to the nuclear family - involve being matched up with a mate. And not just any mate, but a SOULMATE.
Although many enlightened women like to think that they CELEBRATE our single status and want a relationship as an EXTENSION of their happiness (rather than the purpose and cause of it), you still can't help responding to the cultural programming that tells you that you are incomplete if you don't have a man...
...That VERY SAME cultural programming that blames the woman for not holding the relationship together when it falls apart, or shames the woman when her man cheats.
You can know in your mind that those beliefs aren't true, but it's hard not to respond to them.
Deep in our hearts, we DO feel like we're lacking if we're still single. Emotionally, we still feel shamed if we can't "get" a man. You feel shamed if he leaves you, like it's your fault.
This cultural programming is SO powerful that many women end up seeking out a relationship just because all of their female friends who have relationships seem so happy. You want to have what THEY have.
That's why I want to give you a powerful tool to challenge that programming and change your perception of being single forever...
WHAT IF you told yourself that, unlike your friends, YOU were meant to be single right now?
WHAT IF it was your job to figure out what you were supposed to be doing with your single time, and then do it?
WHAT IF God or whatever Divine Power you
believe in was giving you the chance to be on
own because He/She wanted you to learn something
develop a new skill or move to the next level
spiritually... and being single was the only way
you could do it?
If that were the case, wouldn't you feel a lot more okay about being single?
Wouldn't you feel a greater sense of meaning and purpose in your life, rather than waiting for the time in which you have a partner?
Very few of us spend any time examining our belief systems about what it means to be single. Being single often feels like being in LIMBO as you wait for the next relationship to arrive.
But that attitude doesn't help you make the most of your single days.
You should NEVER get into a relationship to escape being single. There's nothing embarrassing about standing proud and tall WITHOUT a man by your side.
In fact, being single can be a super confidence-builder, teaching us that WE can do all those things we thought we needed a man for.
Being in a relationship will teach you how to be loved, but being single will teach you HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF.
When you're single, you can't count on anyone's love but your own. That doesn't mean you should feel starved for love. Rather, all the love you ever wanted is already inside you; all you have to do is unlock it!
So let me reassure you right now: you are NOT single because you can't get a man. You are NOT single because you're not "good enough." You are NOT single because you're "bad" at dating.
You are single for a REASON... and it's your job to find out that reason.
Once you do, then you'll have completed the reason for which you were single. And then, magically, you'll find that relationship opportunities open all around you.
To help you out once you are ready to find that magical relationship and man of your dreams.