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Keeping a positive approach.

The desire for acceptance, love and recognition is a very powerful drive in human behavior.  We all want to be liked, supported and treated with respect from those around us.  Unfortunately, we don't always get what we want.  Sometimes those who we seek love, acceptance and support from simply refuse to give it or, because of issues of their own, simply don’t deliver it.  Issues, I might add, that typically have nothing to do with you.  It's the difference, however, between what you want and what you get from those around you that often sets your emotional temperature and creates your level of happiness and contentment.
If you find yourself in this boat and are not getting what you want and need from those around you, why not make today the day you start taking action.  My theory is this.  If someone does something that consistently upsets you and you say nothing, you have no right to be upset if they continue that behavior.  So here’s your assignment today.  Pick one person in your life that consistently does this to you and tell them, in a loving and non-confrontational way, what you really want from them.  This is how you begin to close the gap between what you want and what you get.


Having A Sense Of Humor Can Empower You

Living a life of positive thinking and laughter is bound to have you feeling happier and more successful throughout your day-to-day routine. In fact, people who make positive thinking and laughter a key goal in their lives tend to experience more daily success and happiness than anyone else. There are key steps to achieving happiness by incorporating a good attitude and a sense of humor in your life: visualizing goals and maintaining the right attitude. Visualizing goals and going after them is a key component to positive thinking because it is a successful technique that helps you achieve the results you want. Keeping a good attitude towards life is a great way to make laughter a greater part of your life. Having a sense of humor can empower you, even in the most distressing situations. Instead of making a bad situation worse, a sense of humor can help you overcome any negative emotions and get you in the frame of mind to solve whatever problem is at hand.

Daily Happiness and Success
Having daily happiness and success is all about developing a habit. You'll need to start making a few changes in your life if you want to experience positive thinking and laughter on a regular basis, and you'll want to create an environment that encourages both those qualities. One of the first things you'll want to do in developing your “happy habit” is to change the way you look at things in your life. It’s important to keep a realistic view about things that happen in your life, but your attitude about setbacks can make a big difference in your mood and possibly your health.  Chronic stress has been linked to a variety of health conditions, including depression, ulcers and heart disease.

The next time something unexpected comes up, assess the situation and try to view it as a learning experience rather than see yourself as a victim. Only when you get past your negativity will you be able to empower yourself enough to come up with a solution to whatever is bothering you. You shouldn’t sugar coat the facts and be in denial about what is happening, but a positive attitude can only help the situation.

Tips for Maintaining a Positive Attitude:

1. Think of solutions – Don't think of problems, think of solutions instead. Focusing on how seemingly impossible the problems you have in your life are will not help you solve them any more quickly. Instead, analyze the issues and focus on a way to solve them.

2. Make yourself laugh – Watch some comedies or read a funny story. Always try to make time in your day to find a way to laugh. Have a sense of humor about less significant things that might otherwise irritate you.

3. Lift your mood with music – Listen to music that relaxes you or uplifts you. Giving yourself energy through listening to music you like is a useful tool for developing your positive outlook.

4. Inform yourself – Read inspirational books or anything else that inspires you. This will keep your thoughts positive and will help you find different ways to stray from negativity.
5. Do good for others as well as yourself – Doing at least one task (however small) each day to make someone else’s day a little better will help create and spread your “happy habit”. Besides, a little good karma wouldn’t hurt.

6. Share other people’s joy – Be happy for others and don't envy their happiness. It's sometimes hard to see other people experiencing joy if you are not happy. Instead of feeling envious of them, just feel happy for them. Not only will it make others feel better, you will profit from not indulging in negative thoughts that may be harmful to your health or mental state.

7. Surround yourself with genuinely positive people – If you surround yourself with genuine people with positive attitudes and laughter, you will find that you will catch some of that energy. People who have already developed good attitudes are more likely to help you create your own positive outlook.

8. Give yourself credit – Focus on your accomplishments and don’t dwell on the things you didn't accomplish (within reason). Focusing on goals you have met will help you develop plans to meet new goals.

Depending on your goals, achieving them can be simple or more complicated. But, with a plan in place to visualize your goals and accomplish them properly, you can achieve what you want more quickly. Many people struggle with their goals in life because they don’t know how to make a plan to get where they want to be.
This often leads to frustration and negative feelings. Don't let negativity break you down. Instead, use your energy to find ways to step towards what you wish to have in life and make it happen. The following section will help you develop a plan to accomplish what you want in life.

Visualize Your Goals
Visualizing your goals is a great way to practice a more empowering point of view. Believing in yourself is having confidence that you can succeed. You have to visualize yourself actively encountering and resolving any issues that stand in your way.

Visualizing your goals is actually a very simple and practical and technique can be done simply by sitting down at home in a quiet room and taking some time to yourself. People that regularly visualize what they want to achieve, perhaps even on a daily basis, find that they have the power to perform properly and with confidence when situations arise that may test their resolve. Below are some additional steps you can take to create more positive thinking and laughter in your life.

Tips for Visualizing Your Goals:

1.  Identify the goal – If you want to run a little each day for your health, for example, you will want to make a mental note of that and identify it as the goal you want to visualize.

2.  Relax – Find a comfortable and quiet place to sit and relax. This will involve eliminating all distractions. Turn off your cell phone, turn off the TV and allow yourself to be in the quiet moment.
3.  Clear your thoughts – Close your eyes and allow yourself to relax in the moment of silence. Free your mind from any intruding thoughts that may get in the way of visualizing your goal.

4.  Imagine your goal – Imagine yourself running, think about the preparation you will need to do, think about any stretching or warming up you'll want to do before you run, and so on. The more clearly you can perceive your goal in your mind, the better the results of goal visualization.

5.  Imagine yourself completing the goal – Take a moment to perceive what it will feel like after you have accomplished this goal. Think of the happiness, the joy and the excitement you will feel after accomplishing your achievement.

6.  Imagine how it feels to complete the goal – As you open your eyes, keep your focus on visualizing the feeling that you received after completing your goal. Take this feeling with you throughout the day and remember it often.

You may not have the time or opportunity to visualize your goals each time you want to accomplish one, but you can draw on parts of this process. Keep positive when you encounter a step you need to make in your life and try to focus in on the feeling you will receive after successful completion of that particular step. This will help you focus on the positive part of completing your goal and will help you achieve the clarity needed. 

Laughter: Just What the Doctor Ordered
You’ve probably heard the saying: “Laughter is the best medicine.” It’s true in many ways, laughing is said to help strengthen and protect the heart; improve blood flow through the blood vessels; and fight problems that the body encounters because of stress. It is no great medical secret that stress impacts the body in a very negative way, so laughing and staying happy must impact it in a positive way. This doesn’t mean that you neglect your darker moods by covering them up with fake laughter. Being untrue to or in denial about your true feelings is equally damaging. It’s important to acknowledge and work through all your feelings, but try to recover from the negative as soon as you come to terms with what was upsetting you.

Here are some ways to brighten your mood:

1. Watch a funny movie or one of your favorite comedies on television
2. Go out to dinner with friends
3. Find some new jokes or funny clips online and e-mail or send them to your friends
4. Do something you enjoy

The Power of Positive Thinking and Laughter
Living a lifestyle with positive thinking and laughter is becoming increasingly popular. Once considered a fringe New Age movement, mainstream media is now giving this concept the exposure it deserves.

More and more people have become aware that they have the power to improve their lives with their thoughts rather than having to rely completely on outside sources. Visualizing and accomplishing your goals as well as staying positive in times of adversity are tools that can be used to empower yourself. If you have an unrealized goal or would simply like to have a lighter outlook in life, the good news is that it’s never too late to change the course of your life. Change can start with a thought, and with the proper visualization techniques you can find a way to achieve your goals in a self-affirming manner. Open your mind to the benefits of positive thinking and laughter – you might find the happiness you’ve been searching for.

Do You Have a Bad Attitude?
Remember those posters in the halls of your elementary school? The ones that said "Attitude is everything!" or "Attitude: A little thing that makes a big difference!" They seemed silly at the time, but these words of wisdom are appropriate no matter what age you are. If you want to encourage someone to look at you with a positive attitude then you have to display that you are in a positive mood and that you are a fun person to be around.


Having A Positive Outlook Can Help

Strategies For A Positive Outlook On Life

It’s challenging to have a positive outlook on life when you’ve had a day like mine. I woke to find that I had an appointment and no gas in my car. After I pumped the gas, I remembered that my bank card was sitting next to my computer because I used it shopping online. Not only could I not pay for the gas, but I was also expected to buy lunch at my meeting and didn’t have a penny on me (or time to return home). I managed to make it to the meeting without incident, but had several errands to run afterward.

I went all the way back home, grabbed my credit card and set out. At my first stop, I spoke with a customer service representative about the billing error from the electric company. She let me sit for 20 minutes in her office while she spoke with her sister about family issues. When she finally finished the call, she treated me as if I were an intrusion and then attempted to convince me that the billing error was mine.

Next, I headed to the water company to transfer service to my new residence. When I called earlier, I was told that they would be open until 4:30 p.m. I arrived at 4:01 and yes, they were open, but I was then told that they actually stopped doing paperwork at 4:00.

Finally, I picked my son up from lacrosse to find that his team was disbanding due to lack of interest. He was miserable. That evening, my daughter called me in tears to report that her car had permanently died. She was four hours away at college.

How do I maintain a positive outlook you ask?

My life is pretty full as a single mom who home schools her children. I have my own curriculum company, do freelance writing, actively participate in my church and try to maintain a relationship with a wonderful guy in hopes of not continuing to be a single mom forever! Some days, I’m actually tired before I even get out of bed in the morning.

Understanding the importance of a positive attitude makes all the difference. I use the following 10 strategies to maintain that positive outlook even on the toughest of days.

Choose Your Outlook
I could choose to be negative or depressed, but my goal is to be passionately positive. Does it work 100 percent of the time? I wish! However, knowing that I have a choice gives me confidence to seize the day or even just the moment. Each morning, I choose to believe I will have a positive impact on someone’s life that day, and then work toward that goal.

Exude Personality Characteristics You Enjoy in Others
Encouraging people affect me so positively that I try to be encouraging to others. Sincere compliments to total strangers, lifting someone up who feels inadequate and thanking others for blessing my life improves me and my outlook. I am often approached in the grocery store by strangers for assistance and conversation. One elderly lady told me that she spoke to me because I was smiling.
Visualize Responding Positively
I try not to enter into situations believing the worst could even happen. Visualizing doesn’t directly affect the situation, but it does change my attitude and I may have influence over the outcome due to that attitude adjustment.

Avoid Negative Influences
When your mother told you to choose your friends wisely, she was right! Sometimes it’s impossible to avoid negative people entirely, especially family members, but there’s wisdom in evaluating who you choose to hang with and how often. Positive attitudes breed positive attitudes and negative people often infect those around them.

Reflect Positive Back to Negative
Whether it’s a disgruntled cashier, your boss having a bad day or your child suffering from disappointment, maintaining a positive attitude even when they come at you with the negative not only protects you, but may also change them.

Be a Problem Solver, Not a Problem Creator
Seek solutions when trouble arises. One word of caution: Try to discern whether a person wants you to actually help solve a problem or just listen. Sometimes listening carefully is the most positive response you can provide.

Be Flexible
Expect the best, but try not to let the worst catch you by surprise. Respond to situations rather than reacting. Stepping back and attempting to view a situation from the outside can help you have clearer understanding and be more flexible.
Count Your Blessings and Those You Bless
We’re often told to list the positives in our lives and that is important. I keep a blessings journal. It’s also vital to note those that you have blessed, not for record keeping, but to encourage yourself and remember that you have a positive impact on others’ lives.

Learn From Your Experiences
It’s easy for me to miss an opportunity to learn something new or practice what I already know when I feel hurt, misunderstood or annoyed. I have found that I actually learn more from difficult situations than easier ones.

Develop the Scarlett O’Hara Syndrome
Tomorrow is another day and another chance to be positive. Don’t beat yourself up over a bad day, but visualize yourself being more positive the next day.

If you’re not positive by nature, don’t try to incorporate all 10 strategies at once. Pick one or two to work on and you’ll find the other strategies easier to acquire. My example day above could’ve been worse. The gas station attendant held my check until I returned with cash. I explained the situation at my appointment and my colleague graciously picked up the tab after we both chuckled over my crazy morning. I worked hard to be patient with the electric company representative, having to make my point several times to be heard. I did eventually get my credit.

I went back to the water company the next day and considered that a learning experience. Next time, I would be clearer on the phone about why I needed to know the hours of operation. I consoled my son and spent the evening looking at lacrosse summer camps for him. I also consoled my daughter and while I couldn’t afford to replace her car, I worked through bus schedules and alternate plans with her.

As I went to bed that night, I planned on dropping a card in the mail to the gas station owner praising the attendant who had been so kind. I decided to send my colleague a gift certificate to a local favorite restaurant as a thank you for lunch. When I woke up the next day, I counted my blessings, grateful that I have a positive outlook on life.
Ways to Boost Your Mood

We’re all on scheduling overload these days, with 24/7 pressure at home, at school, at work… not to mention everything that’s going on in the rest of the world. From the moment you wake up until it’s time to go to bed, life is nonstop – in your face, on the TV news, the Internet, the front page of the newspaper – and sometimes it’s impossible to keep from getting overwhelmed. It’s no surprise that all this intensity can have a serious impact on your mood, but there are easy, natural ways to help keep your spirits up…

1. Get Your Move On
You already know that regular exercise is important to keep your body in good physical shape. But did you know that exercise is also a quick and easy natural pick-me-up? For one thing, recognizing that you’re making the effort to improve your health and how you look is bound to give you a positive outlook. But the exercise itself is what really can help with your mood. Just think about how energized you feel after exercising! Working out stimulates oxygen production and circulation, which is like treating your entire body – from head to toe – to a breath of fresh air. Exercise also releases endorphins into your system, and these “feel good” hormones organically make you feel better and can enhance your mood.

A hearty cardio workout will help both body and spirit, but if you don’t have time for a demanding gym regimen, that’s no reason to throw in the towel and give in to a bad mood. There are plenty of ways to include exercise in your day-to-day routine. If you’re going to be running errands today, consider walking to neighborhood shops instead of driving. Not only will you jump-start a better mood, but just thinking about the money you’ll save on gas is sure to put a smile on your face! When it’s break time at work, go outside and take a brisk walk around the block. If you’re home with the kids, get them involved in the action with some outdoor playtime. If you can’t get outside get your body and mood in gear with some indoor calisthenics or yoga.

“The key here is to relieve tension and relax,” says Donna Colabella, a clinician at the Mental Health Center of Greater Manchester in New Hampshire. “It may seem like there’s not much you can do about what’s going on in your life from time to time, but it’s important to try to let go of some internal stress.”

2. Take a Power Nap
Depending on what activity you’re doing at any given time, different chemicals are released in the brain that can play an important role in how you feel. Exercise is one way to improve your mood; on the other end of the activity spectrum is a quick catnap, which can also do the trick. A 20- to 30-minute “power nap” can often result in a refreshed new outlook.

Can’t fall asleep during the day? No problem! Take a few minutes, find a quiet spot and do some deep breathing, stretching or meditation exercises.

3. Accentuate the Positive
When you’re feeling out of sorts, it’s very important to keep in mind that being in a bad mood is not the same thing as being depressed, which is a physical and chemical condition that can require medical treatment.

“Depression is very much in the news these days, and people are sometimes too quick to jump to the conclusion that they’re depressed when really they’re suffering from a bad mood, which is much more manageable,” Colabella says. When it’s a bad mood that’s got you down, she says, “You’re much more in control, once you take a step back and look at what’s going on and what you might do to help yourself feel better.”

Make an effort to focus on the good things in your life, especially at those moments when you feel buried under by stress and worry. Work getting you down? Give yourself a time-out (the good kind!), turn away from the task at hand for a minute, close your eyes and think about something in your life that makes you happy. And everyone has something to be happy about. It may be small – the bargain you got on a new pair of shoes, the great time you recently had with your friends and family – or it may be something bigger, such as good health. Hold on to the thought and visualize something wonderful you’re looking forward to – make it something doable like an afternoon outing or a gathering at home. By looking toward a positive future event, you’re the one directing your emotional course.

4. Turn Up the Volume
Another simple step is to listen to music you like. Researchers have discovered that music taps directly into the pleasure center in the brain, and it can also serve as a distraction from your immediate surroundings or emotions.

So go ahead, rock out to the greatest hits of your favorite band. If there’s no one around (or you’re in the car with the windows up) feel free to belt out a ballad or Broadway show tune. Or sit back and surround yourself with the sound of a symphony – listen to Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy,” and it will be virtually impossible for your spirits not to soar.

5. Food, Glorious Food
Pay attention to what you eat, because that can also help you maintain a good mood. A well-balanced diet means more than just body health – it’s an important part of sustaining a healthy disposition as well. You can get a head start on that good mood by eating a nourishing breakfast – a combination of protein, healthy carbohydrates and fiber will naturally boost your energy and spirits. What could be a better way to start the day?

Certain vitamins and nutrients play a role in changing brain chemistry, which can then affect your mood. Omega-3 fatty acids, for example, have been getting a lot of attention because they help decrease the risk of heart disease – and it’s also believed that they can fight depression.

“Studies have shown that there is some mood benefit from eating foods that are high in omega-3 fatty acids,” says Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D., C.D.E., a nutritionist at Hampton Roads Center for Clinical Research in Norfolk, Va., and a consultant to the food and healthcare industries. Fatty fish, such as salmon, anchovies, herring and mackerel, are the best food source of omega-3s; although Weisenberger cautions that “women of childbearing potential or nursing mothers shouldn’t eat mackerel because of its high mercury content.”

B vitamins – especially B6, B12 and folic acid – have also been linked to mood, so make sure to incorporate foods such as sunflower seeds, oranges, beets and leafy green vegetables into your diet every day to help avoid mood swings. Vitamin D offers a double dose of nutritional good news. It can help reduce the risk of osteoporosis – and recent studies have found that it might also offer relief from the effects of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a blue period that some people suffer during the winter when days are shorter and there are fewer hours of sunshine.

You should also drink plenty of water, because dehydration can make you tired and ill-tempered. And it’s important, says Weisenberger, not to let yourself get too hungry during the day, because that can lead to irritability. But don’t go running for conventional comfort foods such as cake, cookies or other sugary, high-carb snacks. After the initial sugar rush, the refined carbohydrates are absorbed by your body very quickly, and you might soon find yourself quickly tired and back in the doldrums.

If it’s a tasty treat you’re after, how about a small serving of dark chocolate? “Isn’t everything better with chocolate?” Weisenberger asks, pointing out that you should limit yourself to less than one ounce, because chocolate is high in saturated fat. The yummy indulgence will satisfy more than just your sweet tooth: Dark chocolate’s antioxidant qualities can help keep blood pressure low – and it quite literally melts in your mouth – the melting temperature of chocolate is just about 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. This means that all its delicious properties are absorbed as soon as you eat it, and they stimulate the release of serotonin in the brain and make you feel better. Chocolate is bound to perk up your spirits. Plus, if you eat just a small bit (about one square of a standard-sized bar), you’ll have enough left over to give you something to look forward to tomorrow!

Is Your Mood Manageable?
When your emotions are healthy and balanced, you feel like yourself. Everyday tasks seem easy and you feel like you are in control. However, sometimes emotions can get out of balance, causing you to feel moody.

Put Away The Raw Emotions

5 Ways to Buffer Your Suffering

See if this sounds familiar: You wake up vowing that today you’ll be kind, considerate and full of goodwill toward everyone. Then, on the way to work, a sports car cuts you off on the freeway. Your rage erupts and you start fantasizing about ramming the jerk off the road. Your anger lingers until lunch, affecting your concentration and your appetite. Are negative emotions gnawing away at your well-being? If so, try these simple strategies to soothe your psyche…

Anger. Jealousy. Self-pity. Worry. Most of us face difficult emotions every day. The real problem starts when we let them rule us. We either wind up acting rashly and regretting it later or bottling up our feelings until they erode our well-being.

The best way to keep those dark emotions at bay? Practice awareness of the feelings as they arise and give yourself permission to feel them (getting hostile, resentful or insecure doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you human). By giving difficult feelings their due, you’ll minimize your own suffering and improve your ability to cope.

Try these five strategies:

1. Breathe, Seriously, Breathe
Here’s a good on-the-spot technique to use when you feel overwhelmed by anger or jealousy: Take a normal breath (no need to change it or control it). Focus only on the breath itself (if your rage is road-inspired, you can focus on your driving, too), not the source of your anger or jealousy. On the inhale, notice how the air feels rushing into your nose and how your chest feels as it expands. On the exhale, feel the warm air flowing out as your lungs deflate. Repeat.

By concentrating on breathing, you create open space between your emotions and the avalanche of judgments and conclusions they trigger. “Breathing with awareness helps us to be less susceptible to the immediate tension of the moment,” says Carole Romano, a New York-based meditation teacher. “These emotions are normal and natural, but breathing helps keep things from escalating. It can help you thoughtfully address the issues.”

2. Put Yourself in Their Shoes
You’re stuck in the supermarket checkout line when the harried mother of twins ahead of you runs back for bananas. She takes forever, and you start to lose your cool. While you wrestle with your surging frustration, try to summon up some empathy by putting yourself in her place. Imagine how you’d feel dealing with the stress of shopping with twins. Or remember a time you, too, ran back to grab a last-minute item as the checkout clerk bagged your groceries, ignoring those in line behind you. It’s amazing how generous our hearts become when we find common ground with others.

3. Give Yourself a Break
A co-worker wins a coveted promotion and, suddenly, jealous feelings consume you. Duck into a quiet room – even a bathroom stall will do – and spend a few moments focusing on how you’re really feeling. Notice where the jealousy is manifesting itself physically – knotted stomach, tense shoulders or wrinkled brow?

Now, offer yourself some loving kindness by placing a hand over the area where you feel physical discomfort. Offer yourself empathy by quietly saying something like, “I care for my hurt.” Repeat this mantra as often as you like. You’re not wallowing in self-pity. You’re simply giving yourself some much-needed compassion.

If you practice acknowledging negative emotions and nurturing yourself when you’re suffering, you may find your capacity to care for others expanding. “Rather than pushing them away, we free ourselves by holding our hurting places with the unconditional tenderness of compassion,” says author Tara Brach in Radical Acceptance, Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha (Bantam, 2003). After addressing your pain about being passed over for a promotion, you may even be able to sit down with your boss and have a rational, calm chat about the situation.

4. Manage Your Mind
Emotional reactions to events often create stress and anxiety when, in reality, there’s no cause for alarm. Consider this: A torrent of worrisome thoughts invades your imagination after hearing a rumor that a friend may be angry with you. Take a moment to breathe and then reassure yourself: “I haven’t yet spoken directly to my friend; so there is actually no problem. Besides, I know we can talk through anything.”

In Practicing the Power of Now (New World Library, 2001) author Eckhart Tolle suggests reminding yourself that “No matter what happens, I will create no more pain for myself. I will create no more problems.”

5. Strive to be at Peace
When you’re suffering, practice this mini version of a Buddhist “Loving-Kindness” meditation for aspiring to be happy. Sit quietly, relax, and spend a few minutes focusing on your breath. Distractions are normal, but try to keep returning to awareness of your breath. When you’re calm, reflect on your innate goodness (remember your goodness to others) and your wish to be happy. (Don’t we all want that?)

Now place your hand over your chest, imagine yourself actually breathing through your heart and conjure up an image of being safe. (For example, picture yourself inside a warm house, protected from fear and worry.) Or think of the word “safe” itself as you envision yourself inhaling and exhaling through your heart. Recite the phrase, “May I be safe!” Repeat this process several times. Then move on to another aspiration: “May I have peace of mind.” Repeat. End by re-focusing on your breath.

If some of these tactics feel strange at first, that’s okay. Most of us aren’t used to giving ourselves compassion. Keep practicing.

Remember, it’s human nature to wrestle with negative emotions, but you can teach yourself how to cope with them more effectively. Even if you’re taking medication to manage your emotions, it’s a good idea to hone simple skills that will bring you peace of mind. Get to know your emotions and recognize them as they arise. Work with your body’s reactions, reassure yourself and, most of all, give yourself what you’d give anyone you love: support and compassion.

How Do You Deal with Difficult Emotions?
We all suffer. It’s natural to experience anger, jealousy, hurt – even if your mother told you that “a frown doesn’t suit your pretty face, Dear!” But have you ever felt overwhelmed by these emotions, or that you spend too much energy getting over them? Everyone could use some healthy options for dealing with difficult emotions.


Portions adapted from articles by Jordan Richardson, Ellen Baskin, Don Munro, and Elizabeth Harrell

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This site was last updated 04/24/12